Family meetings, desensitising spray and dumped at the train station

Hey chookies!! I’ve been wanting to do an NMF for so long so here goes nothing (I can’t audio record I have 4 damn kids now)

This was back in my 20s dating era, I had recently gotten out of a 5 year relationship with my ex high-school sweetheart (that NMF is posted next). So I was 21, hitting up tinder and honestly.. having a lil bit of fun with a few “men”.

I met a guy, let’s call him “Joe”. Now to paint the scene, I moved back in with my mum and I renovated a caravan and this was my shaggin wagon I suppose. ANYWAY

Joe comes over and gives me the best 10 seconds of his life. That should have been where I told Joe it wasn’t going to work.. but somehow we ended up dating for a few months.

Joe was from an upper class family, well off, beachside house ya know. A lot fancier than this gal. He was in uni at the time studying to be a primary school teacher. Well this is where it just gets WILD.

We were not allowed to sleep in the house, we had to set up a futon in the backyard bungalow and this is where Joe and I really got to know each other. He expressed to me one night he didn’t want to study anymore but he was afraid to tell his mum and asked if I could sit down with him and talk to her, being the kind girl I am I was like yeah of course.. mind you we’d only been seeing each other for not even a month. So right then and there he leads me up to his mums bedroom because it was the middle of the night, woke her and his dad up to sit on their bed and tell him he is dropping out. They actually took it well. Until the next day.. and many days after where they would LOCK US in their family office and interrogate him on what he is doing with his life.. while asking for my input. Like I dunno, I was just on tinder trying to find a fling and now I’m locked in your house talking about what your bum ass son is going to do with his future.

In saying that, they would do this sometimes with all 3 of their children.. all of them screaming at each other. Many times myself and his twin sisters boyfriend would be sitting at the table while ww3 was happening and just talk about video games..

Writing this all down, girl I feel like dumbass.

So Joe is still giving me the best 10 seconds of his life, so we experiment with desensitising spray (this will come into play more than it actually worked soon)

Joe expressed interest in wanting to work in travel, so I was like I have a cousin who’s been working for flight centre for yonks I’ll see if she can hook you up. Eventually she does and he starts his training soon.

We have a 10 second celebration and we are just having a night to chat and get to know each other more and I ask him what’s his dirtiest secret.. BIG MISTAKE. Dude literally tells me he used to get off.. to BESTIALITY. I start to spiral and I’m thinking is this why he likes my cat so much.

So then I can’t really back out because we’ve got this job training lined up.. well. He is on his final week of job training and I get a message while I’m at work.. he dumps me over text. Then says actually he just needs time to think about it and to meet him at the train station after his last day of training in Melbourne.

So off I pop. Dumped at the train station. Looking back, I’m thinking how the fuck did I let such a bum with a psycho family play me but there I was.. sad at the traino.

So I went to collect my stuff (he refused to come out of his room so I had to do it with his sister) and went home to bag up his stuff. He refused to come get it and sent his sister.

Well, then I got a message from his mum saying that I poisoned their son by being “too easy and putting out” and her son will only be having sex to conceive “BECAUSE THATS WHAT ITS MEANT TO BE LIKE”.. no wonder his parents were so uptight, they needed a good game of hide the sausage. So I was petty and angry and popped the half empty bottle of desensitising spray in a little baggy with his mums name on it and told his sister that was is specifically for their mum “Angie”.

A few months later I’m flicking through tinder again.. well look who it is.. JOE and what is his picture.. a picture I took of him AND MY FUCKING CAT cuddling on the couch.

There’s so much more little bits to this story but that’s the main part of this NFM with Joe, his weirdly overly involved family and.. his desensitising spray.

Thanks for reading and much love! I’ve got so much more where that came from.