I despise being an older sister and only daughter.

I am an older sister and the only girl (22BF) still living at home with my mother and her two sons (17M & 3M), I feel like I am living in hell. I had the hardest realization lately that I do not like my family (especially my mother). She is a mean-spirited person, she is always walking around scowling and just saying harsh words in the name of “tough love”. Our relationship has been estranged since I was younger, I had always been closer to my late grandmother. Sometimes it feels as if she doesn’t like me and I don’t know why. Lately I have just been journaling about how I feel I was not wanted by neither of my parents (I’m currently in no contact with my father for almost 3 years now). Both of them make me feel as I was a mistake, even though they both denied it. I know my mother feels resentment towards me for having me straight out of high school. It seems as if I’m paying for all the guilt and suffering she has endured throughout her life through my adulthood. I’m financially dependent on her and currently have no license so I feel I’m at a dead end. It seems as if I became a second mother when I was 18 because my brother was born and because of her guilt I have to suffer. Out of all her children, I’m the one who has gotten the worst of her while being emotionally abandoned as a child and teen. I try to buy her things, have simple conversations with her but she just pushes me away, all while allowing her 17 year old son to push over her. I want to decenter this relationship and role of a sister and daughter from my life and just focus on finishing school, keeping up with my therapy sessions and learning how to live my own life. I’m tired of begging and crying over my mother not being the parent I need her to be, I just want to let go and maybe eventually limit contact with her once I become financially stable enough to be on my own. Any encouragement is welcomed, just wanted to vent. No negativity please, I really don’t need that here.