Affordable CBT Therapist? I NEED TO BLEED.

A simple rejection, from an ordinary request now feels like my whole self is rejected. I cannot bleed onto new connections I'm just making, no. I need this church community. But I feel like the closer I get to them (however intentional absences i do) my unhealed inner child, the ugly immature parts that lash out, bicker and become bitter surface, though Im mature enough to not show them (nasa Lugar). But this has been the cause of all my issues with people in the past decade or so, so if you know an affordable CBT therapist, please drop a recommendqtion.