I thought I knew this. I thought I had learned from all the actions that had consequences, negative and positive. Becoming a full fledged adult, a functioning human in society, a positive role model and decent parent, being an amazing partner to the people I love with all my heart, all while with my partners support becoming the most authentic and genuine version of myself at this point has been not something that happens without effort, without hard decisions, taking actions that you never once thought would be something you were able to do. 
With my anxiety, my fear of failure, with my worry of disappointment, guilt for not going the expected route to get proper results, and I willl not deny it 1000% overwhelms me, makes me over think, over analyze, paralyzes me until I either find a solution or decide to just say fuck it and let go and say universe do your worst... I mean.. when push comes to shove Lady Em puts on her big girl panties and gets shit done but those decisions, those actions or inactions have consequences. 

Over the years I have done hard work on myself to be aware that my actions have consequences that can be something that has an impact on someone other than myself, becoming a parent myself almost a decade and a half ago now I realized I have more to be responsible for. 
I now weigh the benefits and drawbacks to how I make large decisions as well as the small ones. 

To be honest, I am not a confident person, I fake it til I believe it and it works for the most part or I accept that I am the only one who can make this come true. I put out the most positive vibes, I do not ask for more than I am worthy of, I do not take my partners commitments and love for granted. I put in the work and because I do I get better outcomes. 

To say it is all sunshine and rainbows, would be a fat bold faced lie. There are dark days, rainy days, stormy days, and days where I shut down and have no energy for anyone including myself. The past 2 plus weeks have been just that for me. There have been some amazing things and some hard things, hard discussions, health issues, and re-evaluation of boundaries, communication, and safety protocols to maintain the way our, the Royal "Our" lives work. My actions have consequences on my partners and theirs on me. I can only hope that when we are on the other side of this recent emergency support beam restructuring and replacement with additional safety measures that all of this will make every one of us a hell of a lot more aware of how fucking adult we are and how we finally are getting our shit together despite all this.  I found the quote I attached and it appropriately sums up how I feel that me accepting this and knowing that actions have consequences and it is how you handle them that determines how well you make out sometimes. Positive or negative you are forever changed and learned a valuable lesson.

For every action there is a consequence