Lost and Found - Chapter 12 - Lost like tears in rain

Daniel had managed to pick himself off the floor and drag himself into the park, cheeks stained with tears as he slumped down onto a bench and placed his head in his hands. His mind was a whirling tornado of conflicting thoughts and feelings, his stomach was churning and he had absolutely no clue what to do. As he raised his head and looked around, he saw several other people in the park, couples, families, people by themselves on a morning walk and every single one of them was staring at him. It must be a strange sight, a grown man openly weeping in a public park in the middle of the day, so it was hardly surprising they were looking at him. Picking himself up from the bench and trying to avoid eye contact with any of the strangers around him, he headed to a more secluded area of the park, finding a small group of trees with a little clearing in the middle, lowering himself to the ground and sitting against one of the majestic oaks. Finally alone, without prying eyes judging him, he openly wept, his tears falling heavily and watering the grass below him as he tried to comprehend what had just happened to him. How he had just managed to fuck everything up.

Several minutes passed before Daniel was able to somewhat compose himself, wiping his eyes and breathing heavily, on the verge of hyperventilating. He had suffered from panic attacks when he was younger and he knew the telltale signs of one approaching. Taking long, deep breaths, he tried to calm himself, wrapping his arms around his torso to hold himself as he gently rocked back and forth. “Fuck…” he softly whispered to himself as he finally felt his body starting to relax a little, his head lolling back against the tree to rest, eyes closed as he concentrated on what was around him. The smell of fresh cut grass, the warmth of the sun on his skin, the feeling of the trees bark against his skin, the sound of the distant innocent laughter of children. It was only a momentary respite as the feelings of grief, loss and pain started to wash over him again. He grit his teeth and smacked himself in the face, hard, causing him to wince, trying to snap himself out of it. He had cried enough. This was all his fault and he needed to pull himself together and come up with a plan.