TOL- Opera

When I was 5–9 years old, I used to sit in my mama’s bedroom and watch opera with her.

I know. What kind of kid willingly watches hours of people singing dramatic tragedies, sometimes in languages they don’t even understand? I was always a strange child. I once preferred reading in graveyards because they felt more peaceful than libraries.

Mama would be moving around the room folding clothes or cleaning, but she always paid attention. We’d talk about the scenes, about who was in love, who was lying, who was about to die because of it. I remember sobbing over a woman named Mary Beth dying in one of the stories, curled up in her lap like the world had actually ended. I don’t even remember the full plot now. Just the feeling and the music. Her hand on my hair telling me it's all okay.

One day I asked if we could ever go to a real opera. She told me it was expensive. You needed time, money, and proper gowns. So I told her that when I grew up, I would save up and buy us beautiful gowns and take her. I carried that promise into my teens. As I got older, it went from “I will” to “I’ll try my best.” as I realized the world wasn't as black and white. But it never left. It was always there. A quiet, long-term goal that I planned to fulfill eventually.

I grew up, married and had children. Still, it was a “one day.”

So why am I thinking about this now?

Maybe it’s therapeutic. Maybe it’s grief doing what grief does. Maybe it’s wistful thinking for something that will never happen.

Or maybe it’s because we’re all sitting front row to the most grotesque opera of our lifetime, and I can’t help but think, "Damn Mama, just one more year and we could’ve watched this tragedy unfold together from the couch."

No gowns required. No tickets. No travel. Just whatever’s on our backs, staring at the screen, or even just out our front doos while the headlines roll in. Corruption. Power. Exploitation. The whole ugly chorus.

It feels like a libretto written by someone who forgot subtlety existed. "Our Government and the CSA ring, ft. Jeffery Epstein"

What a time to be alive.