Story time: how active listening saved me once

This happened many, many, many years ago, in another lifetime. I was on a date with a guy I was considering seriously to be serious with. We weren't exclusive yet. We were talking about dating and stuff when he decided to brag that once one of his friends had a long distance gf at Rangpur or some other city. She really wanted to meet him, so she managed to come to dhaka. The guy took him to Litoner flat and did the deed. Then he invited some of his friends to join them. And they also effed her.

Girls, the cold water I felt on me could have awakened the dead.

So, I simply asked him if he joined. He declined. I asked for the reason, and it was before they met. And the regret in his voice was palpable. I asked what happened to the girl, she was sent back the next day.

This effed up SOB was actually lamenting, and thought I would sympathise to him.

Anyways, I then asked him with deliberate calm, so you friend graped his gf, with other people, bragged about it and you are still friends with this guy? Mofo wanted to know how is this grape. So I had to explain to him, that the girl didn't consent any of the time. May be coarsed into with the bf,not with his friends. He wasn't ready to accept my explanation. So I became direct, and asked if I were to visit Litoner flat with him, is he going to call his friends? (He shook his head no) would that mean I'm down to eff his friends (No) then if Liton was in the flat and took advantage would that be considered grape (yes). That was his light bulb moment. He was 35.

I dropped him like a hot potato after that. So, moral of the story, always always listen to what people brag about and what they regret. You will always find what really matters to people hidden between the line.