The earth and I

Every time I look at the world and admire its beauty it always manages to make me remember and think about everything in my life. I always stare at the sunset and the beautiful greenery that surrounds me as the car continues to move along the road and I wonder if all the effort I put into my friends is worth it. Was it worth sacrificing all of my time to get barely anything in return, was it worth destroying myself mentally because I get hurt when no one responds for days. I hurt so much everyday in this beautiful world full of adventures and scenery and imagine what it would be like to be the one who gets a message first, to be the one who gets asked to hang out, to be the one who is always thought of and brought into conversations with others. The one to be cared about, not forgotten. Like the beauty of this earth that is also taken for granted. Always in the background and never pointed out or included in the rest of this universe. Always scenery and not a focal point. That’s how I feel with my friends. I feel like an outcast, a terrible person, someone who will never belong, someone who is pitied, someone who gets all the insults and jokes thrown towards them. The earth and I have things in common, how we always do our best just to be trampled over and criticized. Like how the leaves sprinkle down from the trees in fall, how the snow pillows on the grass, how the rain drops slide down windows and walls. All of this beauty is seen as a Nuisance and a roadblock to moving forward yet it is the main reason behind why our earth is a beautiful as it is. The world works hard to ensure that it is healthy and yet it gets destroyed. That’s another connection I have. Always ensuring that everyone feels happy and is 100% everyday but no one ever returns it for me. That’s why I never talk about my issues because I’ve learned that no one will actually listen and wants to help, they will only act caring just to tell anyone who will listen behind my back. I wonder if one day, maybe, I can find someone who sees the beauty in this earth and all the small moments that create life. I hope I find someone who can appreciate me and make me feel like myself again, not someone who’s been hurt and scared over the years of my life. I hope someone will see me as beautiful as I see the world around me.