I feel like everyone else is in charge of my life but me.

My ex. My sister. Her boyfriend. My parents. My other sister. My boyfriend. Everyone but me. When is it my turn to decide what I want. I can't even decide what I want. My mind is such a jumbled mess. The drugs don't help. But in the moment they do. They make me happier. Nicer. More productive and motivated. But they also make me mean. Lazy. Stuck on unimportant shit and miserable. What's the point? Yet I keep going. For who?