Origin Story P1

Decided to post on a throwaway account. Ive been in a good place, but lately ive been having dangerous desires ive been trying to control.. Just venting/journaling to let things out safely..

He(M21) was my(f19) best friend. I’d always thought of myself as confident, but looking back, there were some self-esteem issues - little splinters from childhood - that I hadn’t quite faced. I remember idolizing him. I remember having fleeting thoughts of 'i cant believe someone like him chooses to hang with me all the time' but to society i suppose he was "out of my league" - it was just another status quo that i accepted cause i cant really be bothered outwardly challenging the fucking patriarchy heck i was happy enough with my peaceful life. Anyways.. I never even entertained the possibility of him seeing me as a desirable woman and i suppose in an odd sense i stopped seeing him as a member of the opposite sex. He was my M this magical asexual being who is pretty to look at.

Maybe it was that toxic cocktail - a dash of delusions of grandeur, a splash of deep-rooted insecurity, and the recklessness of youth - that made me a little spoiled, a little demanding. And I loved that this ‘god’ of a man just… took it. Everything I dished out, he handled with ease. I honestly believed he saw my tantrums as kittenish.. you know all hiss, no claw, something to brush off with a smirk and a pat on the head. Turns out, I was wrong.

He was always so composed, almost impossible to rattle. I knew he had a.. colorful sex life, but again I don't know why i never imagined he saw me in that light. So there I’d be, stomping around in my robe (ive always liked the feeling of being free), ranting and raging about whatever new injustice had lodged itself up my ass, thinking nothing of it. It just happened so out of the blue. He just grabbed me and shoved me facedown by the neck. I remember him muttering 'you just need to be loved' or something to that effect and he just ripped of my robe. I'm pretty sure in our year of friendship i must have flashed him before at some point but never had i ever been naked in front of a man before and i sort of spasmed in shock before trying to curl up and cover myself - i was beyond shocked. I remember just calling out his name and asking him what the actual fuck! Before he kind of lifted me by the hip as my body still lay flat on my bed and i felt his tongue sliding into me. It was ticklish and i slid forward feeling embarrassed, yet still the full gravity of the situation did not compute - no joke i thought gross! So i turned around and kicked him while raging on about what an asshole he is.

That was the first time i saw it.. rage but the cold calculated kind id never seen before. I mean ive seen him mad before - when his team lost, or when he gets off an aggravating phone call with his dad. But this cold look was cruel and controlled as if he hated me and i froze. I dont know why i did it but instinctively i opened my legs for him without him saying a word. I was a pretty sheltered virgin then, i mean i think oddly i was still in a belated ew boys stage. He pulled me to the edge of my tall bed and i can tell he was pleased when he realized it put my pelvis at the absolute perfect height for him to observe(??) He licked two fingers and i just watched him out of morbid curiosity and suddenly he shoved them both into me - no prep even though he knew full well i was a complete virgin. Id never been fingered or given or received oral. I screamed and tried scrambling up but he lunged forward and used his upper body to hold me down tsking and told me he knows i love to masturbate so to just cum already to make it easier for me.

I kept saying stop but he just rubbed and thrust escalating to three fingers quite quickly. At this point it all felt rather medical to me and weird, he was my best friend it felt slightly like mental/emotional incest. I lay there and just took it all grumpy, finally asking him when it will end. That was when he grabbed my face hard and shoved his tongue down my throat. Despite the pain on my cheeks that was the first time i thought 'hey this shits nice' - we were making out for who knows how long when suddenly.. i. felt. PAIN. It sort of exploded in me, i know people say they felt like they were being ripped open but honestly i felt cramping more than anything. I bit down in defense and i would have bitten down on his tongue if it wasnt for his thumb holding my teeth apart.

So there i was struggling screaming crying and basically huffing into his mouth. It felt so invasive his tongue giving me just as little quarter as his dick. It was horrible.. the more i wriggled and tried pushing him off with my legs and body, the more i felt myself open up(?) as i simultaneously clenched with muscles i didnt even know i had. It was overwhelming and the one relief i had was when i managed to dislodge his kiss and duck to the side yelling his name, but i could feel my nipples start to pebble as i heard him groan like he's in pain as he buried his face into the arch of my neck. He sort of chuckled when he felt them and starting sucking and biting my neck and pulling my nipples.. it was so rough.

I didnt realize it then but he had only partially shoved himself into me, his dick has this odd bulge at the bottom half. I just kept spasming because of the cramping as i felt his shallow thrust and i thought so this is it, this inane stupid act was sex?? Next thing i know he sort of heaved himself above me and i remember being intimidated for once by his size, as he sort of hovered over me blocking the light as i tried to make eye contact. He hefted my thighs up and sort of opened me and told me that this was to make things easier (yea for him). Suddenly he lunged in HARD and knocked the breath out of me. I - was - pa - ra -lyzed... He rotated and sort of purred and i could feel everything, the vibration, the way my innards moved, the way his dick pulled me out a little, i was genuinely scared he broke me and i felt like vomiting. I asked him what happened and he asked me if i felt that.. what?? my body opening for him. I cried telling him i was scared he just kissed my tears and tried kissing my lips. I kept sobbing and telling him i cant breathe - stop - i dont want a kiss.

Thats when it really started.. he yanked my hair and made me look him in the eyes, for some reason this made the experience as emotionally intense as it was physically intense. His eyes were just empty.. no emotions just concentration and scorn ive never seen before in those months i knew him. And the sick fear of him hating me did things in me im not proud to acknowledge. And he started this deep slow pound. It just felt like i was getting sucker punched in the stomach. I didnt understand it then but he's.. big.. i mean i had heard offhand comments before from other girls but never put two and two together. For my first time, it was err.. brutal. This went on for some time.. like a looong time.. him doing deep lunges, me completely open, once in a while when it really hurt id clench my fingers into some part of him i can reach.. But i guess the body has immense coping mechanisms as slowly but surely i start noticing the sensation of his pelvis and pubes crushing my clit. I tried avoiding it, it just felt like sharp sensation at first not pleasure, but i remember starting to pant and getting hot. I dont even know when i started just calling out to him confused and scared when the first orgasm happened - how could i orgasm to this? It started out small just a series of clenching down there that honestly just exacerbated my cramps so i thought ok cool im not a total psycho. Then he really started to get into a mechanical rhythm. The second one hit but this one felt.. incomplete, like i couldnt finish it - probably because it was always hard to fully clench down on him, especially that first time he felt too big too much. I was so desperate i kept telling him to stop as i couldnt breathe. He keeps chuckling and told me to stop being dramatic and to enjoy it. At some point i noticed he was starting to break a sweat, i remember watching sweat drip down his pecks like in slow-mo noticing how his movements got rougher and rougher. I could hear my grunts as if they were faraway noises.

I twisted and turned to get away when he hit something in me that made me wail a little. That gave him more access to my neck and he bit me HARD on the neck, i remember this moment because as i screamed and tried pulling him away i felt his smile on my fingers - its one of the flags i recall nowadays, an earlier sign of his slight sadism. He kept on and on and this third orgasm made me start to squirt, and he wouldnt let up and the rolling orgasm that followed made me really squirt a stream on him. He just laughed as i cried, mortified exhausted and confused. I finally finally manage to twist and get away and as i was crawling away he positioned himself behind and really rammed in. The angle was different and he hit things he never hit before, i remember my body reflexively lifting and again it gave him a new angle to really thrust into me from behind but below this time. I wailed overwhelmed and he was huffing like an animal by now, moving at a pace that i honestly couldnt even compute what more keep up with. Suddenly he gripped me by my hips hard pushing me brutally down onto his barbaric upward thrust, his other hand angled my nipple up into his mouth where he bit it. The combination made me cum harder than i have ever come in my life and ive been masturbating since i was eleven... He reached so deep and he was so hard and i really felt the width of his base tickling the rim of my vagina. I was so tight around him i could feel his cum flow through his dick and shoot into me. It was an odd yet comforting feeling - the warmth. I didnt even think of pregnancy i dont know why. Again overwhelmed by sensation i spasmed into multiple or rolling orgasms i dont even know.

Next thing in know i was falling forward and he followed me, his dick still firmly lodged in me. As he big spooned me, my hazy vision sort of started to sharpen. I remember being very suddenly hyper aware and conscious. What felt pleasurable before now just felt overstuffed and painful and im back to cramping. Even in my tired state my stomach really started to clench and spasm, im aware now it was just my body trying real hard to expel him out. He was a grower and a shower... I called him and told him i want to sleep. He didnt respond so i tried again, i begged and told him hysterically i wanted to sleep please! He just peered at me and told me to sleep then. I told him he needs to go home. He told me we've slept over like this countless times before. But not with your dick in me! He just chuckled and shushed me, and snuggled into my hair... his dick fucking snuggled into me! He was half hard for some reason, and liked to rock my hips in and out massaging himself even as he could feel my lowers spasm around him in protest. One arm that moved me up and down coiled around me making me immobile, the other alternating between caressing my clit and my stomach eerily. Every time i cried and wriggled in protest he'd just shove into me hard and blow the wind out of me. Finally to get me to shut up he told me he liked sleeping with his dick warm and to shut up i'll get used to it. I told him obviously im not getting used to it it hurts, he told me tough luck babe you're sleeping with dick inside you until you learn how not to be a bitch.

I dont know why but that line hit home. And a part of me shrank and kind of accepted part of the blame of this happening to me for pushing him to far, for being such a bitch, for wearing fucking kimonos around my house all the time when this obviously virile male was around. And i love being big spooned by him, always did. The only difference now was that his dick was in me... i used to love our almost two head height difference, now i felt unfair(?) that it was just unfair? But he was right, slowly my body stopped spasming, and it felt.. warm? And it grew comforting to feel.. full? Like i just had warm soup or a good meal with a nice nightcap before bed. My brain started to get weird.. I like the feeling of full.. And i just fell asleep... snuggling back into my best friend turned rapist, his dick firmly lodged in me all night. I passed out thinking is he still my best friend?