i never know if my bf is lying to me anymore

TW: mental health struggles, body image

Background:

Me (18) and my bf (18) have been dating for almost 2 years. We live with my parents, but share a room and everything. I'm queer, and have only been ww before him.

Oh My Goddddd I have the BIGGEST crush on him. I love his hair, his laugh, even his ykw, surprisingly! I clean up while hes at work/a friends, spend hours making art for him, writing love songs about him, and taking him on weird dates lol. He buys me flowers when I go a DAY clean from SH, he'll make my favourite dinner when Im sad/sick, and hes been documenting a specific phrase I say since 6months in, which he says wont tell me until were married (or break up)

When we started dating, we set boundaries pretty quickly, i brought it up, so we agreed to be porn-free while in this relationship.
It was a habit of mine for a while after my ex and i broke up, but wasn't super hard to stop.

Me and him would talk about how porn affects women, how most of it isn't safe for the women or partners, Stuff like that. He would say,
"I wouldn't ever want to hurt you."
"all i want is for you to be happy"

Haha, 9 months in, i found porn on his phone, his pc, his other phone. X, Discord, Google, PH, Rule34, name it huh! All that trust and self love instantly disappeared.

To make it worse,
None of the girls looked like I did.

I got mad and upset, because he lied to my face every day. We'd be intimate and he'd go home and watch porn. He promised to stop, and delete everything. I believed him.

Almost 2yrs in. I went on a trip, and he watched porn in MY bed. He switched his promise ring to his other hand. He lied and lied, but I knew. Every two or so months, i find more. i dig up more lies. He's a very secretive person, because of trauma he's been through. He lies about little things. His friends are homophobic, but ALL of my friends are queer!!

I found out, again, that when i was away, and he 'relapsed', i had sent him NUDES minutes before. He went and watched porn anyways.

He's never made me finish, but I lie about it because even though it feels good, as a queer person, im not wired for men. I sound stupid, but im dating him because of who he is, his support with my flashbacks, OCD rituals, PMDD, etc.

We agreed that I can jerk off alone, because i dont usually . I used to love women, admire with a gentle but strong passion. Now, if i see a beautiful women, its, "i wish i looked like her" "her ___ is better than mine".