How Do I 27F Accept Differences With Trans Boyfriend 23M?

I'll start by saying I'm a bisexual, and I've been out a long while, but I didn't have many queer or trans friends around me growing up. As I moved out and met more people, I got to meet more trans folks.

My boyfriend is my first trans boyfriend, and we talked about it quite a bit over time. I was and still am curious about his experiences, how he feels, how he felt before transitioning, etc. We're totally physically and sexually compatible, and we're very similar in many ways. I also understand wanting to change sex, or not feeling good in your own body. However, there are some things about queerness that I don't always understand, and we've talked about that. He's always been very understanding about our differences.

Practically, I find it hard personally to alternate between pronouns while conversing with the same person so I often just ask if there's a preferred pronoun and stick with it. Ideologically, I feel like some ideas in queer spaces are too radical to my taste. I do, however, respect people's right to do what makes them feel good about their body and about their identity.

We have a queer mutual friend that came out as non-binary not too long ago. He started microdosing on T and using he/him pronouns. I was looking at some instagram photos he uploaded that day, and in one of them he was looking kinda like a generic douche, and I found it kinda funny how quickly he adapted to the look. So I showed my BF and said something along the lines of 'look at him, he's a total dude'

BF looked a little alarmed and sternly replied 'not a dude'.

I was kind of hurt. I felt like if I was queer or trans, he would have probably thought he misunderstood something. But because I'm cis, he immediately assumed I misgendered MY OWN FRIEND in front of him. I may be overreacting, but I now feel like despite me dating him for close to a year, despite having queer friends, despite respecting HIM - he's quietly labeling me as 'not safe'. He said it'd take him a while to 'build trust' on that matter.

Now I'm rethinking everything. He was acting like it was completely insignificant and he just made a small mistake, but I'm not sure it's that small at all. What can I do to make sure I won't be walking on eggshells around him even though we don't see things the same way?