I've been in love for a year now and I'm suffering because of it.

hi everyone. I recently downloaded reddit and saw that some people here share their stories, so I wanted to too. this is my first post, so it's a little bit of an excitement. my story is not as big and unusual as others, but still I want to share. first I will tell you a little bit about myself. I am an ordinary Russian schoolgirl, an introvert and very afraid of large crowds and people in general. I am quite shy and insecure, I only communicate well with my close friend. I'm probably not particularly unique in terms of my appearance, but according to my friends, I look cute. I don't participate in any events or performances at school, and I don't socialize with many people from other classes, but I'm good friends with my own class. Now, I'll start telling you the main story. One year, in October, we had a combined physical education class with a class that was a year older. I didn't participate and sat on a bench with my friend, just observing the older class. two boys from there sat down with us, one was wearing glasses, and the other was wearing a gray T-shirt, he will later become the main character. I immediately noticed him and told my friend that "gray" (as I called him before I knew his name) is very handsome... .... a couple of days later, we had a combination with them again, and then I fell head over heels in love. I can definitely say that this was my first teenage love. of course, my object of desire turned out to be the boy in the gray T-shirt, I don't want to reveal his name, so let's call him Mark. I couldn't take my eyes off him, he seemed so beautiful to me that my heart stopped.... ....I told my other friends that I liked Mark, and one of them started helping me get to know him. She was friends with a girl from his class, so finding his social media was not that difficult. On the evening of November 6, I received a message from a stranger. It turned out to be Mark, and his classmate had told him that I wanted to meet him. It was then that I felt like I was living a new life. I won't go into detail about our conversations, as it would be lengthy. Mark's communication style was a bit cold, but he occasionally complimented me, causing me to feel almost faint. I found myself deeply attracted to him. It sent chills down my spine. I lived for him, I thought only about him. He was my muse. But on his part there was no such interest, and from this I was a little offended. At the end of November-beginning of December he began to answer me less and colder, by one word. Then I decided to ask if he really wanted to communicate with me, and this was my mistake. On December 4, also in the evening, I wrote to Mark and asked if he was sure that he wanted to continue communicating. He had a training session that day, so it took him 2.5 hours to respond. I'm sure you can already guess what he said. He said no. He said he didn't want to talk to me. I felt like an idiot. How could I have hoped for a different response? I apologized a hundred times for something I didn't do. He just wished me luck and... blocked me and deleted our chat. you can't imagine how terrible I felt. I was crying nonstop. my world, my universe, the one I woke up for in the morning, had left me like that. I felt nothing but despair, and in a fit of emotion, I cut myself a few times. I'm sorry for that. It was from that day on that I had some kind of apathy, a mild depression, if you can call it that. I didn't want anything, not even to live. Every day I looked gloomy, and every mention of Mark only brought pain. I almost started crying when someone talked about him. Well, in general, all such negative emotions with a broken heart, I don't want to write. And now, I still love him. It's been a year already, and he probably doesn't remember much that we communicated, but I remember every second of that time. Every time I see him at school, I still blush and sweat like in some romantic anime. I both love and hate him, even though he hasn't done anything wrong to me. It's going to be exactly one year since he blocked me.But I love him. I really like him. I often think about him, and I imagine all sorts of scenes where we're together. Since I love drawing, I sometimes draw him. I enjoy drawing him, and I like thinking about him and looking at him. But I'm suffering from the fact that I like him. Please help me figure out how to deal with these feelings. They're causing me discomfort. That's all. Although this is a common school story about unrequited love, I still wanted to share it. I'm sorry to take up your time if you've read it all the way through. I'll still ask for some advice on how to try to suppress my sadness. Thank you all. Good luck. (I'm using a translator to write this, so please forgive any errors)