I'm so tired of loving

I have been in love for so long and he helps me with many things for which I am always very grateful, he often says that he also wants a future with me but I really don't see it, The only way we can be together long term is if we get married and I absolutely understand that this is more complicated than it seems but it feels like he really doesn't want to Or well not with me, I pray every day that he spends time with me and I understand that it is not always possible but sometimes it feels like he is bothered by my presence, does it bother him when I talk to him, does it bother him that I'm near him, is it that annoying to be with me? Sometimes I don't even talk just so I don't bother him, I guess I am very annoying or I'm not nice.He is a very good person, and my God I want so much to please him, I want so much that the next day he writes to me and calls me, have a good mood and don't feel like it's horrible to spend time with me I always wish for a day when he wakes up and loves me. Although to be fair I understand, I understand why he wouldn't do it, I understand why he doesn't like me, I understand why he doesn't want to but that doesn't mean it hurts me any less.