[920] Novel blurb and prologue - Evan Keeper and the Beast

Fantasy

Hi! My submission is the blurb and prologue for a novel I'm planning to post online in serialized form.

Blurb+Prologue (google docs)

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Edit: I don't know if I have any instinct for story in my own writing. I can't tell if this submission is interesting or bland or what. I've tried to keep the prose and plot elements simple so I can work on telling an entertaining story.

I have no personal attachments to this piece. I just want it to be a fun romp for readers, and I would really appreciate if you could unleash unholy destruction upon any aspect that you didn't find amazing. Any thoughts at all would be very helpful. Pretty please and thank you :)

Some specific questions:

  1. Does the blurb work?
  2. Did the opening few lines make you want to read on? Did the prologue make you excited to read more?
  3. Is the prologue itself exciting? It's mostly dialogue, and I'm not sure if it's executed interestingly.
  4. Are the plot, MC age, and tone of the prose all suited for one age range of reader? I've never attempted anything for readers in between YA and Adult, so I might be mixing up ingredients.
  5. What parts really dragged/were unnecessary/didn't work/bored you to death, reanimated you, and then bored you to death a second time?

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Thank you in advance!

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Crit [3231]

(This is my first submission, so if this crit is too weak, lmk and I can add another, hopefully better one.)

Posted Jan 3, 2023, 8:52 AM UTC · edited

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