[3231] Bic, Destroyer of Worlds: Chapter 1

Here's the link: chapter 1. This reads like a short story but it's (hopefully) the first chapter of my speculative fiction novel. I really only have a couple questions I hope any critique can answer:

• Is the narrative voice overwhelming? I know that it's strong but hopefully not to the point of being distracting.
• This book will eventually become sci-fi/fantasy-ish in nature. As a reader, would you feel cheated by the relatively "realistic" first chapter?
• Was this chapter good enough for you to want to read chapter 2?

Thanks in advance for your help! Here's my tribute:

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