My friend tried to kill herself. What do I do?
A (20 year old) girl I've known for not quite a year now tried to kill herself on Friday.
I've known for the past year that she has suffered from depression and also intense migraines and takes Tylenol with codeine to mitigate them but, according to her, the pills don't work as well as they used to. But that could be another issue all together.
She has talked to a counselor in the past but hated it. She prefers to just keep everything in and going to the counselor "makes me think of everything all over again." I finally (three weeks ago) convinced her to talk to one on campus. She didn't like it because it was recommended she withdraw from school and go into a clinic for more serious help.
She doesn't want to do this because she doesn't want to prolong her time at school and, more significantly I believe, she doesn't want her parents to know.
Apparently, I am the only one who knows the extent of her depression and the lengths she is willing to go. I happened to witness an episode and realize she had some significant cuts on her thighs that looked self-inflicted.
So last night I got a call from her somewhat freaking out because she was being held in the hospital. It seems that Friday night she had a migraine, couldn't take it anymore, and decided to down all of her remaining tylenol-codine along with a half bottle or so of sleeping pills. Fortunately, she woke up sometime Saturday and puked all of the pills up. Yesterday (Tuesday) she went to her counselor to talk about what happened, and the counselor called the cops and forced her to go to the local hospital. She is still there now.
I went to see her and she is angry. She didn't want to be in the hospital, she was mad that she went to talk to her counselor and she "pawned [her] off to the police."
I don't know what to do. I told her I was very proud of her for going to the counselor and that that was the right decision, but why didn't she try to talk to someone sooner? She "didn't want to bother me." I asked about her roommate, parents, friends, and she confirmed what I alluded to earlier: nobody knows about her issues but me.
Do I break her trust and tell her roommate/family? I'm worried if she feels she can't trust me then she'll push me away and will never talk to anyone. I'm really at a loss of what to do. How do I ensure her safety while but not make it so she feels she can trust nobody?
tl;dr Friend tried to kill herself. I'm the only one who knows. I'm the only one she trusts. Do I break her trust and involve her friends/family? If not, what do I do?
Posted Sep 19, 2012, 1:52 PM UTC
Hey, first of all it's normal for people to be furious when they're rescued. I answer a hotline IRL and we quite often get calls from people a day or two after we have sent a rescue and they're spitting mad at us, but then a few weeks or months or years later they call us to thank us for saving their lives.
As for figuring out what's best for you to do next, it's absolutely okay for you to call your local or national suicide hotline yourself and get their expert advice about how you can be of the most help in facilitating her recovery and ensuring her safety over the next while.
Breaking someone's trust is a tough decision to make, but sometimes it's the only way to keep them safe. However, I would caution you; she probably got to be this way because of some bad experiences in her earlier life, so her family may be the sort of people who will make the situation worse rather than better if they are informed. She obviously has really deep and severe trust issues and those don't usually develop out of nothing.
We have several posts in r/SWResources (our private collection of resources and info, always linked from our sidebar). For your immediate needs, you might want to take a look at our talking tips and risk assessment posts.