Still have romantic feelings for my Nex 5 months NC

Missing The Abuser

I’ve been no contact with my Nex for about five months now. We were together for five years. I posted here regularly for months leading up to the NC and through it, but it’s been a while. I’ve been really missing him as of late. It’s been a big struggle…one thing I’m dealing with now is trusting myself.

I want to be so committed to my healing that I don’t want to speak to him or even know what he’s up to, but I still find myself craving him. I’m no longer sobbing and my nervous system is more regulated. I think the trauma bond is broken but I’m so afraid of it reforming. Realistically, I know I don’t actually want him and If I saw him in person I would look straight past him. (I have) I’ve also successfully ignored all Hoovers. But I just can’t shake the feeling of missing him, reminiscing, longing for our memories, etc. I’ve REALLY wanted to reach out lately and I freak myself out by the idea I may falter.

I look at his socials sometimes and I know I need to quit that which will help me, but I just want to release having feelings for him. I wish I knew how long I will still have romantic feelings towards him for. I know I CAN’T be with him and don’t actually want to, but I have dissonant thoughts that I still do, even five months later. I think I just need to allow myself to keep moving through these feelings, but I just was hoping to hear from others who are even further NC than I.

Posted Jan 12, 2023, 5:38 PM UTC

42
AutoModeratorMOD•

Hi u/privatebr0wsing, welcome to r/narcissisticabuse. To help make the experience more effective for everyone we do have some resources and rules for you to keep in mind.

• Do you need to understand terms or acronyms? Click Here

• Looking for resources? Check out our links and book recommendations.

• We also have a sister sub for people actively in Divorce/Custody proceedings or that is coparenting with a abusive ex: r/narcabuseanddivorce.

• Looking to contact the moderators of the sub? We can’t respond to individual posts all the time so please post your issues to the community rather than the mods if it’s not about a rule breaking issue or sub issue. You can message the mod team HERE. Please do not DM/PM mods directly or send them chat requests.

Please review the rules:

  • Please add flair to your post so that it is searchable by topic and always use the TRIGGER WARNING flairs when needed (Keep graphic content out of titles please);
  • Be respectful and courteous with a focus on healing; No flaming, No revenge posts, no wishing harm on anyone, no "outting" or getting them "bad karma";
  • No identifying details (no proper names including fake ones, pictures, images of texts/emails, locations (at any level), or specific details that may identify you to readers that may know you (Jobs, Hobbies, Schools, etc);
  • No crossposting or direct linking to this or other subs or posts. No links at all in original posts including to other posts you have here or other subs, Images/Pictures/MEMEs/Vlogs/Blogs/Podcasts/Articles/Social Media information or tags/Texts/Emails;
  • No self-promotion/solicitation at all including surveys, fundraising, petitions, or research posts are permitted;
  • You must be the victim of the abuse that is the subject of the post, not a friend, relative, or partner;
  • Please report content that violates our rules and do not engage on those posts at all;
  • Do not resubmit removed content, if you get a report from automod about your post, see the sticky announcement at the top of the sub regarding removals and be patient, we will review them manually when we are available.
  • No politics, religion, soliciting DMs, or doing an AMA on your own please;
  • No segregation of posts by gender, sexual orientation, race, age, or culture;
  • No family content in any context; the only family content permitted is you, your significant other/ex and your children (no abusive child posts). All others will be removed including mentions (family/friends) or growing up/childhood content. No demanding justification of our rules or "just curious" for why our rules are our rules; It does not matter whose family it is, or if they are abusive, or that its just a mention. It is not permitted.
  • No inappropriate content (TV Shows, Movies, Books not releated to healing from abuse, Celebrities, News or Social Discussions).
  • No title only posts (including repeating the title in the body of the post, emoticons, saying the title says it all);
  • No CLUSTER Bs/ABUSERS may post here at all. If you are a NPD/BPD/HPD/ASPD/Abuser, you will be banned; Please also do not post content or people with diagnosed Cluster Bs as resources here;

We want you to have a safe and supportive experience so you get the most out of the community.


I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1
ThePolishPope•

I have the same feelings, but it has only been two weeks. I am also afraid it won't pass because I don't let go of people easily and it the relationship was an extremely powerful force in my life. I'm just trying to reason with myself, that it may take longer that for most people, but eventually it has to pass. I'll keep you posted! Hugs!

1
[deleted]•

[removed]

1