Still have romantic feelings for my Nex 5 months NC
I’ve been no contact with my Nex for about five months now. We were together for five years. I posted here regularly for months leading up to the NC and through it, but it’s been a while. I’ve been really missing him as of late. It’s been a big struggle…one thing I’m dealing with now is trusting myself.
I want to be so committed to my healing that I don’t want to speak to him or even know what he’s up to, but I still find myself craving him. I’m no longer sobbing and my nervous system is more regulated. I think the trauma bond is broken but I’m so afraid of it reforming. Realistically, I know I don’t actually want him and If I saw him in person I would look straight past him. (I have) I’ve also successfully ignored all Hoovers. But I just can’t shake the feeling of missing him, reminiscing, longing for our memories, etc. I’ve REALLY wanted to reach out lately and I freak myself out by the idea I may falter.
I look at his socials sometimes and I know I need to quit that which will help me, but I just want to release having feelings for him. I wish I knew how long I will still have romantic feelings towards him for. I know I CAN’T be with him and don’t actually want to, but I have dissonant thoughts that I still do, even five months later. I think I just need to allow myself to keep moving through these feelings, but I just was hoping to hear from others who are even further NC than I.
Posted Jan 12, 2023, 5:38 PM UTC
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