privatebr0wsing

It’s so bizarre to know that I am so close to such a milestone. I have always been one to heavily reflect on time and dates anyway. I remember thinking to myself when this all began “I’m going to have to wait a whole YEAR before I start to feel normal.” That was partly true. Considering where I was then; how much absolutely torturous pain and anxiety I was experiencing day to day, there is no question how proud I should be of myself for remaining steadfast in my choice to love myself. But, the other part that remains true is that I still don’t feel completely healed or even “over” this person.

I want to be soft with myself, as over 20% of my life was spent with him, but at times, I am stil

My ex just moved back to our hometown and I can’t stop thinking that maybe I could handle talking with him. That maybe seeing him and speaking with him will put the nail in the coffin and and I’ll see I’m not missing out. Part of me knows that’s a lie that I’m telling myself so that I can see him again. The desire is strong to reach out and so is the hope that he will.

I’m not sure why I believe that things might go over well if we did talk or see each other. I guess because, I think at first they would. Until I was hooked again and the cycle continued and the shame of even allowing him back into my world crept up. I still miss and think of him every day. I know I just need to keep steadfa

Tired of lying to myself and not talking about how much I loved and still love my Nex anymore. I’ve been missing him a lot lately (almost 6 months NC) and wondering if he’s missing me too. Sometimes I think it’s been easier for me to cope by completely villainizing him, but that’s not the truth. Sometimes it’s exhausting only seeing people talk about how your Nex never loved you and constantly had malicious intent. My family, friends, and therapist agree he loved me in the capacity he could. Which I guess is how all narcs love (unhealthily). We started dating at 18/20 and five years later, we are still so young. These aren’t excuses for his behavior anymore, just kind of stream of consciousn

I’ve been no contact with my Nex for about five months now. We were together for five years. I posted here regularly for months leading up to the NC and through it, but it’s been a while. I’ve been really missing him as of late. It’s been a big struggle…one thing I’m dealing with now is trusting myself.

I want to be so committed to my healing that I don’t want to speak to him or even know what he’s up to, but I still find myself craving him. I’m no longer sobbing and my nervous system is more regulated. I think the trauma bond is broken but I’m so afraid of it reforming. Realistically, I know I don’t actually want him and If I saw him in person I would look straight past him. (I have) I’ve

I’ve been no contact with my Nex for about five months now. We were together for five years. I posted here regularly for months leading up to the NC and through it, but it’s been a while. I’ve been really missing him as of late. It’s been a big struggle…one thing I’m dealing with now is trusting myself.

I want to be so committed to my healing that I don’t want to speak to him or even know what he’s up to, but I still find myself craving him. I’m no longer sobbing and my nervous system is more regulated. I think the trauma bond is broken but I’m so afraid of it reforming. Realistically, I know I don’t actually want him and If I saw him in person I would look straight past him. (I have) I’ve

I’ve spoken about this here in the past. I know that because me emotional needs were so direly neglected, sex became the main source of intimacy, validation, and connection in the relationship and it was probably used to manipulate me more than I even realized. I did feel loved in bed though. I was worshiped and things were incredibly passionate. Only at the very end did our sex life become toxic and start to reflect the reality of his abuse.

We are three months no contact, with some shitty Hoover attempts in there that I successfully ignored. He has a new supply that he posts. And I’m quietly and very casually hooking up with someone new. But I miss the sex sometimes. I try not to think a

I’ve spoken about this here in the past. I know that because me emotional needs were so direly neglected, sex became the main source of intimacy, validation, and connection in the relationship and it was probably used to manipulate me more than I even realized. I did feel loved in bed though. I was worshiped and things were incredibly passionate. Only at the very end did our sex life become toxic and start to reflect the reality of his abuse.

We are three months no contact, with some shitty Hoover attempts in there that I successfully ignored. He has a new supply that he posts. And I’m quietly and very casually hooking up with someone new. But I miss the sex sometimes. I try not to think a

Missing him so much and wanting to reach out. Feeling that burning need for closure that will never come. Feeling like I want to connect to him in some way, like I want to know he misses me. I can’t open the door though, I just need some words of encouragement- I’m having a really though time right now.

Missing him so much and wanting to reach out. Feeling that burning need for closure that will never come. Feeling like I want to connect to him in some way, like I want to know he misses me. I can’t open the door though, I just need some words of encouragement- I’m having a really though time right now.

I’ve posted about this here before, so long story short, I didn’t fall for my nex’s breadcrumbs and now he hasn’t tried to contact me at all since I blocked him a month ago. I know I don’t really want that, but it hurts me so badly that 1. he doesn’t miss me enough to try to talk to me and fix what he’s done like he used to. And 2. That this kind of reconfirms the reality that this narcissistic behavior is who he truly is.

I fucking miss him. How does he not miss me? How can he come back and love bomb me just to IMMEDIATELY fuck me over again? Most days I’m good and doing well, but I just can’t believe he’s gone and the memories will linger with me forever. I just feel so alone and angry s

Getting used to the ebbs and flows of it all is exhausting. Some days, I feel so free and happy and content. Others, I just miss him. And I wonder if I’ll ever be able to stop thinking of our time together with such heartbreak and disappointment. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that it’s all just a memory now. Even if I’m glad to that the pain is over, the end of it all will always be bittersweet, I think.

He gave me the silent treatment for a week after love bombing me and then I blocked him on everything. In the past he’d reach out via email, other numbers, etc. but not this time. I’ve been awaiting the Hoover and it’s been another week and a half and it hasn’t come. Obviously idk if he t

Well, last night, I slept with someone new…and I feel great about it! I wasn’t expecting it but I went on a causal date (nearly 3 months post breakup) and it just felt right. Before this, I was extremely nervous about what this experience would be like. My Nex used sex as intermittent reinforcement to bond us- our sex was amazing, but I realized this was probably a lot due to the fact that I was forced to get all of my emotional needs met in the bedroom.

I used to disassociate during sex sometimes or end up sobbing. I felt very comfortable with my Nex sexually, but the emotional blocks were so huge it effected sex and my body image in huge ways. I realized once I became intimate with someo

Share what you like to do to help you get through these intrusive thoughts? Sometimes for me it’s not even even a specific memory, just these soft, gentle, sentimental waves of familiarity washing over me. I know part of me just has to accept them as they come, but they are the most difficult part of this process for me.