How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?
Posted Jan 19, 2023, 6:39 AM UTC
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Yes, this a pertinent question that we've seen many of our other clients asking us on a daily basis. Just yesterday, I was called in by Tesla to provide a view on the topic - can you believe they use 12 people to change a light bulb?
Based on our industry experience and our experience with your peers we have worked with in the last year, the right way to go about answering this is to stand-up a team of 5 to do a thorough current state analysis. We would typically follow this up with a target state formulation phase and a pragmatic road map.
Since we want to build our relationship with you, we will be investing 2 FTEs to do the current state analysis, and we would need an investment for 3 FTEs from you side. We will provide you with consulting credits ofcourse, that can be offset against the 10 FTEs we will have for the target state.
I will send over the draft SOW by today evening, can we meet up for a pint over the weekend to discuss commercials?
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Get out of my head.
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I’d tell you but then I’d have to bill you
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The only letter difference is the difference between McK and the others
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Zero. We tell you how and when you should change it.
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And then scold you for doing it wrong
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And recommend our offshore team for delivery.
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Who would implement a lightbulb onto a failing power grid
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Using Agile methodology.
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Pls fix
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We’ll run any necessary RFP 😊
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Let’s table this for right now and circle back next week!
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But first, we’d be happy to prepare a one page white paper for you!
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As many as the SoW allows to charge hours
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As many as the budget fits
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1 consultant to tell you how to do it. 1 consultant to actually do it. 1 consultant to tell you what we did. 1 consultant to compile lessons learnt
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No lessons learned?
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Ah true.
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Yes haha
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Or we could run an RFP process with multiple consultants to outsource the task to a service provider (and bill more hours) 😉
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What’s RFP? I thought it was request for proposal lol
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What does ChatGPT say?
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A Scottish Sheepherder was tending his flock when a fancy brand-new Range Rover pulls up.
A guy in khaki pants and a blue button-down shirt steps out. Walks up to the Sheepherder, says if I can guess the exact number in your flock, can I have one of your sheep?
The Sheepherder thinks about it and agrees.
The khaki blue shirt guy pulls out a laptop places it on the hood of the car. Pulls out a mini satellite dish and places it on the hood.
He gets a map reading from a satellite that shows the area and the sheep. He does a statistical analysis and says you have exactly 1,061 head of sheep.
The Sheepherder confirms that this is correct.
The khaki blue shirt guy opens the tailgate of the Range Rover, grabs an animal and throws it in the back, and closes the hatch.
As he's about to get in the Range Rover, the Sheepherder asks if he can correctly guess the khaki blue shirt guy's occupation, and if can he have the Range Rover.
There's no way this simple Sheepherder from the backcountry is ever going to guess correctly. The khaki blue shirt guy says Yes.
Without hesitation, the Sheepherder says you are a Consultant. Devastated, the Khaki blue shirt guy admits it. Having just lost his brand new SUV, he asks the Sheepherder how he knew.
The Sheepherder says it's simple:
- You came uninvited.
- You charged me to tell me something I already know.
- And you don't know anything about Sheepherding as you just threw my dog in the back of the SUV.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
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What changes were you wanting to make?
If you mean switching it out, at the office, we can put in a request with Maintenance.
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Requirements are vague, we’ll need further investigation to provide the LOE for that particular activity.
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I'll write up a SOW for time and materials to look into this.
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No fixed fee? 😞
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I have a good smile so in the long run i'll bill more
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I can answer that for you, but that’d be 4.350 €
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Hourly rate?
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I wish 🥲
Calculation was a team of one associate and one intern for three days.
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The last team really screwed up by installing a CFL for you. We're going to get you set up with an LED this time, I'm shooting you a white paper about the ROI. Now, the socket is a standard E26 right? If not that is what I recommend in most scenarios. Alright, now that we have that squared away let's talk about what ongoing support will look like.
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Ongoing support ? You mean ‘hyper-care’?
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No idea but I’m billing the client while I think about it
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Depends on how big their budget is.
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Mckinsey, we recommend that you blind all employees this will allow you to both meet you sustainability goal by reducing the amount of electricity consumed and also meet your DEI goals by having all your employees be disabled
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Please get more information from the manufacturer :)
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What kind of fees are we talking about here?
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It depends.
You sir are a legend.
Yeah, this is the correct answer. Followed by, “How much money do you have?”