[2926] The Great Lionfish Hunter of the Florida Keys

Hello,

This is the first half or so of a short story I am writing. I would appreciate any and all comments. I will add context below, but I would like to know if a fresh reader can figure out where I am going with it, so I will add it under the spoiler lines.

I found out too late that I could only bank a crit for up to 3 months. I have an older one that I was planning on using. I left a comment asking if I could use it, but didn't get a response yet, so to let you know, the 910 word crit is an 8 month old one. I do have other crits that I have done, so mods if you can't accept it, then let me know and I'll add a link to another crit.

My Story (clean)

My Story (comments)

Crits:

[910]

[2091]

[619]

[305]

[3052]

Context:

!The story is about an international student who is planning (but only planning) to run away to Florida because he is weighed down by his responsibilities at school and back at home. If he does run away, he will be violating his VISA and will become an illegal immigrant. He wants to make a living in Florida by catching a species of fish called the lionfish, which is an invasive species that is plaguing the ecosystem there because the fish has no natural predators. !<

Thanks in advance.