[1100] Red Nostalgia

Back with more attempt at Lit-fic / kind of magical realism / kind of whatever as I teeter the lines between trying to write action oriented prose that doesn't get stale.

My biggest problem with this peace is that overall pacing and the following:

1. Does the story's narrative arc make sense / How's the pacing?

2. Do the characters behave realistically?

3. How's the dialogue?

4. How's the prose and lack of metaphors, I did write it intentionally this way to give a very clear cut approach to the story but as I've read this around ten plus times, I have the feeling it falls flat.

5. How's the grammar?

My overall focus is on those things, as well as any other glaring issues that someone else can see.

Story Crits: 779 745 841