Please help me, I don't know what to do or who to go to
A few nights I wrote about the previous night where my friends and I went to a night club to hangout. I shared that I had a bad encounter with a guy that left my head bruised and me totally scared of going out. Yesterday morning, Friday, I headed to my class on campus (I only have 2 in person classes on Friday and Monday while the rest are online) and I had planned on finally talking to my friends about the night before class since we usually gather about 15 minutes before. Outside in the Quad where I usually take a shortcut I thought I saw a familiar face in a group of people sitting and eating breakfast. I stared for too long and of course he noticed and OFCOURSE it was thge guy that I met the other night. I quickly rushed through the Quad and to my class. My friends tried talking to me but I just kept brushing them off. I was really sad because I was ready ro finally tlak to them and tlel them what happened but I was frozen. I barely even remember what happened in the class but after the class I told them that I would talk to them later and walked off. I regret doing that SO much because after a few minutes I felt a hand on my shoulder and someone saying Hey. I jumped and turned around and asw it was the guy. he asked if we could talk and kept saying please because he wanted to say sorry. I was scared and didnt want to run in fear of causing a big scene so I chose to sit on an area that overlooked a more populated area. he kept saynig he was sorry and how he wanted to apologize and make it up to me. I told him it was ok and I just wanted to forget but he wouldn't believe me that i forgave him. he said he wanted to give me him number and wrote it down and kept pushing it towards me to take it. when I reached to grab it he grabbed my hand and wouldnt let go. he said that i shouldnt tell the police because they would not believe me and I should not expect more trouble. he then KISSED MY CHEEK and told me that it was going to be okay and that he was going to protect me from now on. He then KISSED MY LIPS, i started crying and told him no because I have never been kissed before and he got happy and said I should thank him. he then let my hand go and told me that i should call him if I need him and that i will need him. I walked to the bus crying and people kept stopping me to task if i was okay but I couldn't speak anymore. My dad keeps asking me whats wrong and i just tell him that I am on my period. I dont know what to do because i dont want to cause more trouble but i dont knbow what to tell my friends because i dont want them to worry. i told them i was okay and i forgot about what happened until I went to bed but i woke up crying and sweating and it's 5 am. I will try to go back to sleep but my hands keep shaking. How do i forget this?
Posted Mar 11, 2023, 10:13 AM UTC
First of all- nothing you choose to do in response to your assault is "causing trouble." He is trying to intimidate you and minimize what he did to you. This man has violated you and should be reported if that is what you want to do.
So second- you can contact the national sexual assault hotline if you're needing someone to talk to or needing guidance https://www.rainn.org
If you do want to officially report it to the school, you'll typically do this at your school's title IX office. If you want to talk to someone from your school without filing an official report, figure out which school organizations are and are not mandatory reporting. This is important because some faculty have to report it to the school, but others can keep it confidential. For my school, the gender + equality center is not a mandatory reporting place, so your school might have something similar. This should all be available on your school's website.
Regardless of who you decide to speak to, I highly recommend you talk to someone about this. Not only because it is a traumatic event and you'll need support moving forward, but also because he is obviously still a threat to you.
If you choose not to file an official report with the school or the police, or if the school does not take any action (because that unfortunately happens very often) and he continues to harass you, you can also file for a victim protective order at your local court. You do not need a lawyer to do this and it is free of charge.
This goes without saying, but stay away from him and do not contact at him at all.
Please remember to take care of yourself, both physical and mental health, and please talk to someone that you trust about this because you are not alone and need social support now more than ever. Please feel free to message me if you need to.