[1126] The Alleyway (2nd draft)

So I previously posted this story here and got some great feedback, so I edited the story and changed a decent bit. Instead of shortening the story I increased it to a near short-story range, so I'm Interested in your thoughts on whether the length works or whether the story should remain flash fiction like it was before. Also curious about the themes and narrator as a whole and whether they work. All feedback is welcomed!

The Alleyway (2nd draft)

crit:

[1360] Unwiliting