Source
r/OCPoetry•
frosty_keys

Her blessing upon my flaw,

Poem

For me to be unknown to her,

Makes me but the same as bystanders,

However, by a miracle they remain ignorant of the blessing,

That blessing that drives me to longing,

For a passing glance of an angel, can bless my greed no longer.

:

(Links)

-1 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1289d4k/what_is_to_you_blue/jelz6ss?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

-2 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/128u2su/sorry_to_interrupt/jelxlct?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Apr 2, 2023, 2:03 AM UTC

84
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1
treehuggingforever•

paints a real good picture, i like it

1
thegreatrandall•

Beautiful work. I love the idea of blessing a vice to convey emotion.

1
The_Galumpa•

I wonder if there's another word besides "bystander" that can be used in the second line - the first line telegraphs where you're going a little bit, IMO. I love the closing though! The brevity really gives it some heft - describing your feeling as greed, and leaving it so sparse is a really effective way to force us into the perspective you're trying to convey. Keep it up!

1