Source
r/OCPoetry•
Booliano

That was a really nice day

Poem

Our love, like a sunrise,

Was beautiful, warm, and new.

To me it was no surprise,

At first sight I loved you.

Introduced from a mutual friend,

We drove to the woods that you used to roam,

I never wanted that day to end,

Just one kiss and I knew you were my home.

Our love was hotter than a star,

I was confident it would never die.

We were so close yet so far,

I can’t believe how fast five years went by.

But every sunrise comes with a sunset.

It’s getting colder now, the lights gone away,

Will that sun rise again? It’s too hard to say.

It’s okay if it doesn’t, that was a really nice day

1 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/129p9m1/submissive_lake/jepgq80/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3

2 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/129vpzj/her_shadow/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

Posted Apr 2, 2023, 9:15 PM UTC · edited

3340
vaginagrandidentata•

That was really nice :)

6
BoolianoOP•

Thank you

3
roger_plus•

Awesome.

"Memories flood back to me,

Of a time so long ago,

When we were young and carefree,

And our love was all aglow."

5
Precisely-Sweet•

Our love was like a sunrise,

Beautiful, warm, and new.

To me it was no surprise,

At first sight I loved you.

This is enough evidence for me to congratulate your poetic skills

5
BoolianoOP•

Thank you, I need to write more often it feels good to express my thoughts

2
Precisely-Sweet•

Yes you should Poetry pulls on inner feels which makes us express ourselves better.

1
Other_Novel2708•

such warmth in those lines… also the rhme scheme is on par. great work!!

3
artistloverforever•

This has to be one of my favourite poems I've read on here, thank you for making my day.

3
BoolianoOP•

That means so much to me, thank you :)

3
artistloverforever•

Of course! I'm a beginner at writing poetry, but this resonated with me so it meant a lot reading it. Keep writing, you're really good.

3
A-Girl-in-need•

I like the mix of nostalgia and optimism. Maybe the future will be bright, or maybe it won't be, but at least the past was.

3
BoolianoOP•

Thank you, the past sure was beautiful

3
Bob_971•

very well written. Instead of saying 'five years' , you could've just said years. and rather 'friend of friend' I think 'stranger' would've been nice. apart from that 10/10.

2
BoolianoOP•

Thank you, points taken. I guess he turned into a good friend years later so I’ll say that instead of friend of a friend.

2
honeybeecandlewax•

I like how matter of fact the tone feels yet conveys emotion well. I also like how event focused you are about the lover rather than focused the the person themselves. Adds a layer of real lifeness to it.

2
BoolianoOP•

It is too real for me and I wish it wasn’t

2
[deleted]•

[deleted]

2
BoolianoOP•

Thank you

1
bleakvandeak•

The phonetics a really good with this. It’s got a jumping quality In the rhythm. Really sweet poem!

2
DreadNebula•

I love the rhyme scheme and overall flow of the poem its great work keep it up!

2
inexplicably-hairy•

bit generic

2
BoolianoOP•

I can see that, i don’t write often just venting a break up but I appreciate the feedback

2
inexplicably-hairy•

not tryna be mean, im not saying its bad but some of the language is a bit too vague. its still decent, im not trying to discourage u

1
BoolianoOP•

I totally understand I didn’t think you were trying to bash

2
Machinima_•

That was nice, some moving relatable words like calling someone your home - it’s a very warm feeling of safety that we all know very well

I like this

2
psarangi112•

Well that’s the story everyone wants to say but never get the proper words to express those feelings. Nice to attach the facts with the emotions and feelings. Made it feel more natural. Loved it!!

2
IloveBnanaasandBeans•

This was lovely, the imagery of turning your relationship into such a beautiful day was a brilliant way to talk about it. I'm sorry you were going through a hard time with them at the end of the poem, but even then the language was really nice and descriptive. Well done!

2
Funkysfree•

I love how the ending swoops in and allows you to have a worry feeling about love.

Being in love takes soo much work & your ending to me makes me want to continue the work I’m doing for my love because I never want her sun to not rise.

I love this and appreciate you🤍

2
BoolianoOP•

Please do, listen to them and make them feel secure. Remember they are just as human as you are. My selfish habits ultimately hurt us too much. Good luck my friend.

Edit: changed to gender neutral

2
st3040•

Beautiful

2
philophobist•

I am sure the sun will rise again :)

2
BoolianoOP•

Thank you, I still have some hope

2
cactiss•

I really enjoy the story you tell, as if your love is determined by the positioning of the sun. You do a great job at referencing back to this theme, and the line "Our love was hotter than a star" keeps it consistent.

The last line is my favorite :)

"It’s okay if it doesn’t, that was a really nice day"

I love how this makes me feel. It's a quiet acceptance of the situation, appreciative of the experience. But it allows room for grieving.

What a nice poem :)

2
BoolianoOP•

Could I pm you a revised version to see which you like better?

2
cactiss•

Absolutely!

1
BoolianoOP•

But thank you this means a lot, I am trying my hardest to accept the circumstances

2
MrMerri_•

That second stanza has me thinking back lol. Reminds me of how I met my wife, I definitely resonate with the line “I never wanted that day to end.”
Overall good poem, I love the flow and rhythm, along with the warmth to coldness aspects.
If you got any longer poems, I say share those too!

2
BoolianoOP•

Here is a longer one, I sure hope that life works out in a way that I can make this woman my wife. But for now I have our memories and friendship. I’m glad you could get something out of this

2