Starting to think life is just one incident of pain, trauma, or loss after another, and struggling to cope

I got broken up with. I sincerely did think my former partner and I were forever. He made a lot of promises and commitments to me during one point in life and now that his circumstances have changed, he can’t follow through. I would’ve been willing to compromise or wait until we could work on a solution together, but at some point, his feelings towards me changed or weren’t enough to make Us a priority anymore.

I just went to find some of my old writing stored in the cloud today. I cannot find any of it. All of my writing, my entire life’s work, is gone. I don’t have copies of all of my work saved elsewhere, just some of it. I may never be able to get it back. It might seem like not a big deal, they’re just words after all, but they’re my words, from age 16-21. Those documents contain huge chunks of my heart and abstract portions of my life and now, they may be gone forever.

I’m separated from the one place I feel truly at home for the foreseeable future, and am currently living in a home environment that is often triggering or actively retraumarising, even though my parents love me.

When will this end? Because people keep saying it will get better, but every time it does, it comes crashing down again in mounds of pain and heartbreak.

I’m not sure I can do this or that I can cope. I know I have to survive, I’m not suicidal anymore, but I keep going to sleep and hoping I just won’t wake up. I have therapy in a week and yes, I must be safe until then so I will.

I’m just not sure when this will end.

I’m so done.