Source
r/Divorce_Men•
Error-Original

Sensitive Advice Needed

I damn near made a series of fatal mistakes a few years back. My stbx wanted to use my money to destroy her ex, but thankfully the sound logic of an attorney stopped her. See shes been paying child support to him through unofficial channels and legally it could be spun as if shes not been paying. So we called the entire thing off since the case was so far out of her favor. Now fast forward to our divorce and she has asked after all is settled would I go work with her attorney to destroy this guy. Of course I won't, as shameful as it was that I ever considered it, because hes a brother now. My stbx wanted to take my baby girl to live with her new bf who could well be a diddler, I cut that shit off, but she wants to take this guys, her ex before me, daughter to be around this diddler. I like her daughter and dont want anything to happen to her either. Her ex needs to know we are getting a divorce and she intends to expose his little girl to a homewrecker and potential diddler. The problem is Im scared to inform him as her attorney, paid for with my stolen money, is a real shitbag. I need to tell her ex. I feel it is right. Hes a fellow veteran and really didnt seem to be the piece of shit they made him out to be. Plus I could use a new ally while I go through a divorce with her. Long story short how do I tell him? Can I or should I? An ally who beat her in custody once sure would be nice and if he came against her at the same time it sure would help me out.

Posted Apr 21, 2023, 5:50 AM UTC

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ijustdontcare74•

Personally id reach out to him and team up. She’s going to be asking her new guy to help destroy you so you need to also return the favour. This woman has a proven track record you might learn a few important fact from her previous victim.

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Error-OriginalOP•

Oh and proven track record is an understatement. She was married 2 times before me and left them both at the 2 year of marriage mark. Guy #1 is described as hard working, best times of her life just not ambitious enough and smoked too much pot. Guy 2 and I are identical as were both veterans and supposedly abusive, mentally and financially. Except I dont see it when I met the guy. Divorcing always at 2 years seems off to me.

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ijustdontcare74•

Serial alimony and child support collector. It’s her “career”.

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Error-OriginalOP•

Can I do that legally?

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ijustdontcare74•

Of course. You and he aren’t under any legal restrictions like a gagging order so you’re free to consult or talk to whomever you want. He may have history of her past behaviour you know nothing about which could be useful. There is no way she will know unless you tell her. If you’re that worried l, then get your lawyer to reach out to him or his lawyer. They are bound by client confidentiality laws.

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Error-OriginalOP•

Ok, thank you. Its so very odd she doesnt want to tell him until her girl is already with them for the visit. Why not just tell him now? Very odd, and her new guy is willing to let these 2 little girls live in his house without ever even dating my wife? So very strange.

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Crotchlobsterz•

Do you perhaps have a way to “test the waters” before going straight into the whole situation? I mean, yeah, my enemy’s enemy is my friend and all, but if I were in his position, I’d be hesitant to talk to you, to say the least.

Could you contact him and invite him to meet you for a beer on you somewhere? If he senses that you’re just in it for your own gain and not his welfare, expect resistance.

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Error-OriginalOP•

Very good advice. Also he could take all the info I give and turn on me or send it to her attorney etc. Its a huge risk. Unfortunately he is over 20 hours away from me, say 4 or 5 states. If I friended him online that would also be odd and very much outside of my character. I know being covert is not a favorable way to be, but I need to find a way for him just to know we are getting a divorce. Im honestly surprised it hasnt been leaked to him.

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Crotchlobsterz•

You have one thing going for you, which is that you’re dealing with a man and not another woman (hopefully he is a man in the traditional sense of the word).

Do you feel confident that he will put his child’s welfare above all? If so, then approaching him (however you decide to do such) with a true concern for this little person, will most likely be the best opening. If you’re not sure and could put both yourself and the little people at risk of further damage in the future, you may need to forgo getting him involved.

The best advice is not only looking at the possible benefit and assessing its utility, but also looking at what is the worst case. If you’re prepared to handle the worst outcome from contacting this fellow, then definitely do it. It’s the most common mistake executives make when weighing options for improvement of their bottom lines-only thinking about the potential upshot of a given decision and not balancing it with the potential for catastrophe.

I hope I’ve been helpful and not muddied the water further.

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Error-OriginalOP•

You have for sure and being genuine Im learning is key. I am genuinely concerned for mine and I believe that does transfer to his as well. Heck as a human I dont want any little girl getting hurt. Now it could turn out her soon to be live in bf is a super great guy, despite being a homewrecker, but the I have no problem stealing your wife thing is concerning. I need to give this a bit of thought.

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Crotchlobsterz•

Yes, the “I have no problem shacking up with a married woman” thing is not a tick in the favorable attributes side of the ledger for sure.

Potentially opening with a hey, I think you oughta know we’re getting divorced and she’s taking your daughter to live with her new boyfriend, I’m here to give you any info I can if you wanna talk about it, could be a non-threatening way to approach it, but you know your situation and I’m confident you’ll do whatever it takes to keep your daughter safe. Good luck and don’t hesitate to reach out if you wanna talk more.

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