Source
r/OCPoetry•
cactiss

Pardon the Intrusion

Poem

“Pardon the intrusion”,

I whisper to the dirt,

As my toes push beneath the surface.

​

The flip side of the topsoil,

Cools my blistering feet,

So I push them down a little further.

​

The reprieve is amazing,

But I need more.

I take a shovel and start digging.

​

I dig and dig and dig,

Fitting a pinky, a foot, a leg.

The seared bits of me can finally relax.

​

The rest of me burns in the sun,

My face, flaking and red.

Yearning for the same coolness as my shins.

​

It takes hours, but I’ve finally dug a hole,

That is the size of me.

My arms, back, and palms finally find respite.

​

I look up at the sun,

And bury myself alive.

So I never have to see you again.

​

1 | 2

Posted Apr 28, 2023, 12:59 AM UTC

129
thesaltyscientist•

I am green when it comes to poetry, so excuse me if I missed the point. But with the final line, it makes me feel like this entire poem is the long and beautiful version of when you tell an ex, "I'd rather bury myself alive than ever see your face again". If that was the point of the poem, it was executed perfectly!

3
cactissOP•

While I've not heard that saying before, basically yes! Though I was thinking that the ex was burning you and the only reprieve you could find is by burying yourself in the cool subsoil. Then you inevitably bury yourself in an attempt to get away from them.

2
Informal_Book_5722•

Snap snap snap. Good stuff.

2
Upstairs-Scene-1915•

This was very beautiful.

2
Responsible_Beat992•

Nicely crafted.

2
SiLeNs1o•

Amazing metaphor! Such a cool take on the idea of "bury me alive" and you did it in a unique way where there was a cool buildup (or down lol) to the end.

2
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1
goodtimeluke•

This is very simple. I like it. I like how straightforward it is. While the last line is what makes the poem’s point, the rest of the poem takes its time to live in the surface level part of the metaphor, being content with what it is, rather than making the reader think “I know there’s something else coming, so just get on with it.” Thanks for sharing.

Edited this comment for grammar.

1
Plut0s_M00n•

This was beautiful! I totally get the feeling of "Dear Lord, I wish I was literally doing anything other than having to see you or interact with you." I don't know if you meant it in a "I hate you" kind of way, or in the "I can't see you because it hurts, I'd rather be dead that feel the pain of seeing you again" type of way. But overall, I loved the poem. Great job!

1