[1236] Secrets

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First submission here. This work is very different from the sort of stuff I usually write, so I'm looking for any feedback on how I did. It's a stand-alone piece, but I'm probably looking to make it a bit longer and add more flesh if I do more editing. (No more than twice the current length at most) The main concern I have is the impact on the reader, since I think I have an at least OK grasp of writing basics that carried over from other different stuff I've written in the past. But I'm open to any feedback. Please be mean! (Destructive) I can take it.

Crit: A Killer's Heart [2221]