[1858] Never Have I Ever - 2nd draft
Hello, this is the second draft of an excerpt of a story I'm writing. Note that the beginning and ending are abrupt - it's cut out from the middle of a chapter. The setting and character descriptions happen right before this excerpt, I’ve cut it all out for word count purposes.
Context: Laura has been invited by her new college roommate Spencer to a party hosted by Spencer's friend Natalie.
General feedback welcome, as well as feedback on the following:
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Is the narrator's voice interesting enough?
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Are the personalities of the three girls distinct?
Read these questions after reading the excerpt to avoid bias.
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!By the end, does it come across that Laura is attracted to Spencer? Is it too obvious? Too subtle?!<
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!Does it come across that Natalie and Spencer may have something going on? Too obvious? Too subtle?!<
Critiques:
Posted May 10, 2023, 5:30 PM UTC · edited