[2128] Underworld Mechanization - Chapter 1 Welcome to hell (V4 Rewrite)

Context

As the title says this is a rewrite, for context I asked feedback here on my previous chapter 1 and after going through it all, decided that some things didn't work. Specifically:

1. The reader could not get invested into the main character or his story, since they knew nothing about him.
2. There was not enough background, as to why things were happening.
3. The first chapter should be a taste of what's to come, and my story will use infernal pollitics, something which wasn't mentioned the first time around.

That old chapter will still be used (though heavily modified) but now it will be chapter two instead of one. (also if you gave feedback previously, thanks for that, it helped a ton!)

If you would like to compare the two versions here is the previous version with the feedback: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/143efan/2133_underworld_mechanization_chapter_1_welcome/

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LINKS (to chapter and critique)

Link to Chapter 1 Welcome to Hell (V4)

Link to the critique I did [2380]

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Feedback questions I would like anwsered:

1. Does the chapter make you want to read more? (or at least till the next chapter)
2. Are there certain things I should cut/leave out or work on?
3. Would you want to keep reading to the next chapter and if so what hooked you?
4. Can you tell the characters apart? and does it feel like they have unique personality and speech traits?
5. Are there a lot of fragments? I tried to get rid of most of them, but I could have missed a bunch.
6. How did the pacing feel?
7. How did you feel about the first sentence? Is it good as is? Or do you have a recommendation to make it better?

Any additional feedback, especially on the technical/grammar side would be quite welcome as that is my pain point.

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