[1624] A Million Ways

Hello! First post here, sorry if I've gotten anything wrong. For some writing practice, I’ve been working on a re-imagining of The Last of Us. This is a passion project, but it’s also something I would like some general feedback on.

It follows the main plot beats of the video game, but with totally different characters and different relationships. It’s also a fanfiction of another franchise, but I’ve changed the names of characters and places so it reads more like a novel on here. 

Linked below is what I intended to be the first chapter, but I’m considering making it the second chapter and including the original video game prologue as the first chapter instead.

chapter 1

My main questions are as follows:

1. Should I include a prologue centered around the death of the main character’s brother? My main concern is that the beginning is too rooted in introspection, rather than the action a prologue would bring.
2. I’m worried Andrei is unlikeable in this first chapter.
3. Am I suffering from white room syndrome?
4. Is the pace too slow?
5. Do you want to keep reading?

Any other feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

crit [2128]

​