[1466] The Guest's Secret (Excerpt V2)

Crit: [1480] Draugma Skeu, character intro

Hello,

Last week I posted an excerpt of my work, The Guest's Secret (working title). I received a lot of helpful feedback, particularly in regards to my prose, and so I've made a few changes in line with the main criticisms I received.

The story isn't entirely in it's final stage, I'm mainly posting this to see if I'm on the right track, particularly in regards to my prose. I've hacked away a lot of the purple prose and replaced it with more simple, (hopefully) easier to read sentences, and maybe this time they will actually make sense! I've also made some changes to the character of Henry, the guest.

I'll include some of my questions from last week as well as new ones. Feel free to answer them!

Questions:

1. Does the story do a good job of making you want to read on?

2. Does the writing read amateurish?

3. Are the characters interesting, or do they feel one dimensional?

4. This is primarily an horror story/weird fiction, although most of these elements come into play after this excerpt. Do I do a good job of setting the story up as a horror story?

The Guest's Secret (Excerpt) - Viewing Only

The Guest's Secret (Excerpt) - Commenting Enabled