Source
r/LoveIslandUSA•
DaBake

Victor, Bergie and Bro Code

OPINION

I feel the need to get this off my chest, so while I know this is the talk of the town, I have thoughts about this and I need to get them out.

Bro Code is a real, genuine thing, it helps us guys bond with each other knowing what gets said among us, stays among us. It allows us to freely vent to each other about what's going on with our relationships, or work, or other friends, without the fear it's going to be used against us.

WHAT VICTOR SAID IS A VIOLATION OF BRO CODE, IT IS NOT PROTECTED BY IT

Victor broke by that bond by lying to Bergie about what Carmen said in an attempt to manipulate him into not pursuing Carmen. That is not only not protected by Bro Code, it is a blatant violation of it.

When the guys talked about "the sanctity of what gets said between these walls" that does not include lying and manipulation. It especially doesn't include bullying Bergie and calling him a douchebag and ostracizing him from the group.

Apologies for the text wall, but I've seen a lot of talk about how Bro Code is bullshit and outdated and I get it but what Victor is doing is manipulating the concept to cater to his toxic masculinity.

Posted Jul 28, 2023, 4:52 AM UTC

128
11minny•

Completely correct - you don't lie to and manipulate one of the guys. You give each other a heads up about what is going on.

1
Altruistic_Skin_7638•

this is exactly what i have been thinking but i’m a girl lol. thank you

1
Safe-Bit3140New Redditor :snoo_dealwithit:•

Still watching tonight’s episode but if you’re referring to the friendship convo, Carmen did in fact say it was just friendship with Bergie at the time. In that same convo, she also said it was just friendship with Victor at that time. I don’t think Victor was trying to manipulate Bergie, at all. Maybe I’m missing something because I feel like I’m the only one who feels this way😅😅

1
Melodic-Alarm3032Goodbye to the Streets 🍓•

Nah it was manipulation since Victor withheld the information that he was also on friendship vibes with Carmen. Telling Bergie that Carmen has friendship gibes for him only is misleading, thus manipulation.

1
Safe-Bit3140New Redditor :snoo_dealwithit:•

You’re right. I can definitely see that as manipulative. It’s bothering me that Carmen is standing on the fact that she never said friendship vibes. She is lying and it drives me nuts lol. That is manipulation, too.

Bergie knows what he’s doing when he goes to tell Carmen those things. He has every right to do so. But he is completely using his “inexperience” to his advantage. There is no way anyone is that clueless. Some people in the villa are treating him like a lost puppy, and he using that to get what he wants. Also, manipulation.

1
Murky_Anxiety4884•

Carmen wasn't lying. She's just different, and she has said so. She's a slow burner. What she means by that is that she likes to have a group of male friends around, competing for, and gradually accumulating, little bits of romance. Anybody who wants to have her completely is going to have to go through this excruciatingly slow process. One can only hope she will be worth it.

1
Melodic-Alarm3032Goodbye to the Streets 🍓•

I agree with this. The friendship term is being taken by victor and others as very literal but I think what Carmen meant is at that point where she said that is she wasn’t sure on anyone using friendship as a symbolism

1
Melodic-Alarm3032Goodbye to the Streets 🍓•

I don’t think Bergie “knows what he’s doing” like what Keenan said, he is probably telling Carmen without malice. That he’s not a malice type of dude. I think Bergie is trying to navigate this situation by being transparent to Carmen, negatively impacting Victor. Even if that’s not what he(bergie) meant.

1
yo2sense😕 livin' la vida uncertain 😕•

When was this conversation? Just a bit ago I went back through starting with Episode 6 looking at the Carmen/Victor convos to see if she had said so but didn't find anything.

1
brei4486•

I have literally dislikes Victor from the beginning (you know, a week 🤣), and I have loved Bergie. In my relationship, we discuss good and bad feelings and we keep things secret. Which is what I think Bergie was doing. Carmen got pissed because she could have been with Bergie longer if it wasn’t for Victors… existence’s essentially. I think he is playing a game, and not looking for love. He will do whatever it takes to find some submissive female, so he can get the USA on his side, to win the money in the end.

1
Upset-Passion1457😇 a virgin in the villa 😇•

Bro code. Girl code. Same thing, we all live with a code that we confide what we feel with those we trust sharing it to.

1
DaBakeOP👩‍✈️ Flight Attendant on a Dubai Private Airline 👩‍✈️•

Oh yeah, absolutely. This was in reaction to a ton of comments about how bro code is bullshit and outdated and toxic. I just meant it as a defense of the concept because while it's manipulated by toxic people, like Victor, the concept itself is positive and frankly needed so guys can discuss things with their guy friends.

1
Upset-Passion1457😇 a virgin in the villa 😇•

I’d also like to add that because it’s a trust space to share what anyone is feeling, some people can speak however they feel. That’s what I feel is ignored. Yeah it may be lies and manipulation to us but we aren’t there with them 24/7 to know it all, he’s probably speaking from what he knows and sees.

1
Calm-Obligation-7772•

Yeah, I just don’t expect Bergie to get along with the guys anytime soon bc he is not just inexperienced with love, but apparently friendships with guys as well.

The man is there to find a wife and he has tunnel vision in order to do so. Most people are able to balance the two, or be realistic and face the fact that they are more likely to get a bunch of friends out of this than a successful relationship. I wish Bergie the best, but I have a feeling he will continue to tattle to the girl’s about things to win their favor, and a real friendship with any of these guys is essentially over. I also really don’t think Carmen will end up going for him. She treats him like a charity case. “Aww Bergie, that was sooooo cuuuute.”

Not making excuses for the guys, they definitely messed that up big time….but I also understand why they will probably never like him, even if they pretend for the cameras.

1
DaBakeOP👩‍✈️ Flight Attendant on a Dubai Private Airline 👩‍✈️•

I mean, Bergie played college football, I think he can have good friendships with the guys. He was getting along with everyone until Victor got pissed Carmen dumped his ass and he tried to ostracize Bergie from the group.

I think with Victor gone and hopefully Marco soon to follow and new bombshells coming in most of the other guys will move on.

1
11minny•

Once some new people enter the villa and tell the Islanders what really happened, things will calm right down, if they are allowed to watch the feeds. Otherwise, both Bergie and Carmen are going to have to address the issue with the rest of the house.

1
Ad_Awkward•

he is not just inexperienced with love, but apparently friendships with guys as well

idk this is a toxic special set of men... im sure he hasnt had to deal with before

also love island is a different scenario to real life, it's not like in normal life ur competing for the same 6 women and living with your homies 24/7...

1
BusiestWolf•

Victor also talked shit behind Bergie’s back millions of times.

1
First_West_4227•

I couldn't agree more. Bro Code is currently under scrutiny on this subreddit because the guys on this show are labeling their shit actions "bro code." However, none of what I've observed from this group aligns with what I understand as true bro code.

As a man in his late 30s, I've always taken bro code seriously. I first encountered the concept back in high school, and it primarily pertained to guy friends not doing snaky shit to each other. For example, it included rules like not trying to pursue each other’s girlfriends behind their backs. Moreover, it fostered trust in being able to discuss any topic without fear that these conversations would be divulged to outsiders. Bro code truly facilitates camaraderie amongst the boys.

The actions of the guys on this show do not represent true bro code. It is not a license to mistreat women, behave badly, or bully others together. Bro code has always been about supporting your bro during challenging times and refraining from betraying them over romantic interests.

On a side note, I know Barney’s book is meant to be funny but some of what is in there is actually really good, lol.

1
11minny•

Excellent response. When they watch themselves after they get out, they should be embarrassed by their actions.

1
LavenderAutist•

Bro C-aslighting

1
Coleworld117•

Exactly, “Bro code” and “girl code” shouldn’t be an excuse to be toxic af, or sexist. It’s just about being a good friend/person to someone. It should be more about respecting each other and not trying to snake each other.

1
Xunfooki•

It’s love island, not bro island. You don’t have to be loyal to anyone but yourself and your partner

1
rocket1964•

If only Bergie had the wit to say that to Victor or any of the guys....this isn't bro island bro.

1
[deleted]•

[removed]

1
Kageromero•

Absolutely true. And to call Bergie a douchebag for it...Gtfo marco

1
Stlcards31•

The whole thing is ridiculous. If Carmen said that thing about just being friends with Bergie to Victor, and Victor told it to Bergie, then Bergie brings it up when questioned by Carmen about Victor - there is no reason whatsoever for Victor to be mad if Carmen really did say that to him. At that point, if it's true, Bergie is just laying out the facts to try and determine where Carmen's feelings are at, and he trusts Victor's word so he wanted to run it by her.

If Carmen never said that, which it sounds like she didn't, then Victor is lying and that's why he's so upset about Bergie bringing it up. Cause now it makes him look bad and like he's making stuff up. Either way, it's 100% not on Bergie and I cannot stand these guys.

Around the fire pit when they are making the decision on who to drop I've never wanted to speak up for someone more than when the knock off Bash Brother Marco said something like, "ARHGHH do we really think there's a connection there!?" about Bergie and Carmen. I'd love nothing more than for someone to tell him off.

1
Calinks•

I don't want to really defend Victor he is in the wrong but, I do think there is a real chance t hat Victor thinks he didn't lie or manipulate. I think Victor seriously believed that Carmen only saw Bergie as a friend and that Bergie might be wasting his time if he putt all of his eggs in her basket. When Carmen first came in, she didn't seem all that interested in Bergie, she did say she was open to know him but she definitely seemed more interested in Victor at the start and Victor clearly doesn't see Bergie as any kind of sexual threat.

I think its definitely possible that Victor really did think Bergie had no chance there and he wasn't just saying that to be manipulative, he may have really in his mind, may have been trying to give Bergie solid advice (Hey man, she's not really into you, put your energy into someone who might be).

Victor may feel legimtatly slighted and a lot of this could be a big misunderstanding. Victor thought he was giving honest advice at the time, Bergie and or Carmen could think Victor was trying to sabotage them. They could see Victor as a snake, Victor could be pissed because his intentions were not to sabotage but he's being painted like they were.

All in all, everyone is handling this poorly. Right or wrong and communication is not working well.

1