Probably can’t do my one fun outing of the year

Just a quick rant.

This is the last weekend of my local rennisance festival. I love renn fest dearly and have only been able to go twice. Going to renn fest is my one big outing of the year (I’m mostly homebound), I even borrowed an electric wheelchair for it!

But my POTS has been so bad this week I don’t think I’ll be able to make it. I’ve been trying to pace extra well and do all my symptom management. . But my POTS is still really bad.

This disease is so awful. Comorbidities are so awful. Not knowing whether I can do something or not is awful.

I feel like a zombie or some form of sub-human who “isn’t allowed” to have a life. (I know this is a trauma response, but it doesn’t feel any less true)