[2052] Exodus Chapter 1: A Deal with a Demon

"A Deal with a Demon" is the first chapter of a multi-volume story that I am planning, titled Exodus. I aim to write a story that I describe as Game of Thrones, meets Lord of the Rings, meets the anime Bleach. There's a very large cast in the drafts already, but here in the first chapter, I focus on two important characters, Judas and Ferrau. There's a lot i could say about this story and my goals for it, but I'll keep it quick and simple for this first draft submission.

Shortly, a demon in the context of Exodus simply means a God cast from Heaven and into the void, a separate and mysterious dimension that the Gods were never able to get rid of. So now, they just throw criminal Gods in the void to make use of it. It's as irresponsible as it sounds.

Some terms used in this chapter:

Kaeli (kah-lee) - noun sg. and pl.- a God, deity, and immortal being.

Antekuam (ant-e-quam) - noun sg. And pl. - a mortal being.

If anyone is interested, I would love to discuss the ways Latin has inspired the lore.

Synopsis: Heaven’s past threatens to end five-thousand years of relative peace achieved after wiping out most of the mortals. Judas Kiara, a void-walker, must escape Heaven's forces who seek to execute him and any other mortals challenging its supremacy. He and his friends journey to Kar Kado'Mar and beseech King Jonah to protect them. If they dare to oppose the Gods, how will the mortals avoid another annihilation?

Read here

Please tell me your initial reactions to the story, the events, the foreshadowing, or even the structure. Naturally, the aim is to grab the audience's attention and make them interested in the next chapter. Does this chapter do that for you? Why or why not?

My Critique

J. Duncan: Monsters and Mishaps

Monsters and Mishaps

Dorm Room

Side Note: Writing criticism outside the context of school has been legitimately cathartic.