[2308] J. Duncan: Monsters and Mishaps Intro REWRITE

I have taken most of the crits from my last post, applied them, and added a few more things of my own. I have waited 48 hours so here we are.

Synopsis: Duncan, a hunter with a penchant for monster murder, finds a lucrative job offer. But this time me may have bitten off more than he could chew.

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Does the intro work to pull you in? Do you want to learn more about the characters? Am I too descriptive or not descriptive enough?

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Crits:

[1963] Wretched, Chapter 1

[2963] The Happy Film Ver 2