Posted Nov 20, 2023, 10:28 PM UTC
4962
Reddit hates India, that post reeks of it. The other highest comment is redditors fawning over East Asian women, and it’s equally gross
77
Redditors in general are very racist towards south asians
24
The world in general lol they're jealous of the good ones and absolutely hate the worst of us
7
Bizarre indeed. We had to contend with this regularly as millenials and I was hopeful that Gen Z would have grown past it but seems like not a lot has changed. Especially with the WMAF relationships being romanticized.
23
Dude racism is literally so normalized against Indians. Pakistani and Bangladeshi usually can claim Islamophobia and get away with it
13
What does this even mean? Bangladeshi are confused to be Indians so they get the same treatment. There are muslim Indians and plenty non Muslim Indians still face Islamophobia so what do you mean get away with it?
1
What? The top 3 other comments are unrelated to the question, talking about not dating at all, and not dating single mothers...
-5
here. it’s a dude admitting he has a fetish but saying he would never say it IRL to avoid be outed. And 1000 ppl agreeing.
12
Cringe...
8
I just know what his bmi is
3
There are a ton of responses from other Indians who are able to self-reflect and correctly acknowledge the very real cultural clash that comes with living in the western world. But sure, dismiss it as plain old hatred.
-6
Your post/comment was removed because it breaks Rule 3: No Trolling/Brigading. This includes popular topics of toxic masculinity, white worshiping discussions, religious slander, 'FOBs' vs 'ABCDs' topics.
Brigading from hate subs will also result in bans. These subs can be incel to political extremist in nature.
Posters who have extensive posting and comment history on South Asia based subreddits with little to no post history on r/ABCDesis will be regarded as brigading without prior clearance from a mod. This is to protect the intended audience of r/ABCDesis
2
Lmfao a significant chunk of this sub in shambles rn 💀😭
Aside from the trolls, larpers, mainlanders and insecure teenagers, this sub's bread and butter posts are either: 1) brown girls venting/asking for advice navigating their relationship with their white partners; 2) brown boys venting about dating woes in general & poor media perceptions.
Quick, someone post the exact same question in the AskWomen sub, so when the top answer is "Indian Men", the tears on this sub can flow freely and in unison, like a tsunami of self-loathing.
Excuse me while i go pop some popcorn 🍿
65
- brown girls venting/asking for advice navigating their relationship with their white partners; 2) brown boys venting about dating woes in general & poor media perceptions.
Wow. You're such a hater. Probably, a lonely brown loser.
Anyways. Hey everyone, I want to ask y'all about why my WHITE boyfriend isn't into the foods I like? Also, why are there only nerdy brown girls in shows? Where are hot ones in murder mysteries? Am I the only one having this totally unique thought??
26
[removed]
1
Wait you forgot defending or melting down over Hasan Minhaj as if he ebbs and flows the entire diaspora
18
lol I swear there are posts where people need permission from their parents to leave the house.
16
Thats why you rebel😇
2
[removed]
1
To any brown girls reading that thread and are reading shit like:
I won't date Indian women (anymore). This is a big deal because my city has a lot of them. Reasons being that i do not want to constantly have family and cultural obligations, nor do i want my partner's family constantly involved in our relationship. If you've met anyone Indian, this is pretty much unavoidable in most cases, especially once things get serious. Even if they grew up outside of India, they still have a hard time setting boundaries with their parents and other family.
Realize that this is complete bullshit and one guy's perspective. I find Brown girls are the most attractive girls that are around, by a LOOOOONG shot and so does 100% of my brown friends. I have 3 or 4 friends from uni that are white and married Brown girls too.
The guy here wants to be in a relationship with someone but doesn't ever wanna deal with their family. It's a dumb way to look at relationships cause family are getting involved at SOME POINT and most men realize it is our JOB to win over the girls' family so the wedding, and just life in general will be PLEASANT.
Imma say it again, Brown girls = Most beautiful women ever by a LOOOOOOOOONG shot.
39
. I have 3 or 4 friends from uni that are white and married Brown girls too.
Appreciate & co-sign the general positive vibes of your msg, but as a general observation from an Old👴🏿, I remain shocked (and a lil' saddened?) that this newer generation still seem to place having a white partner as some kind of "noteworthy accomplishment" or aspirational goal. 🙃
24
[removed]
1
It can die out pretty quickly if we can identify which brown women have been with white men who no longer want them.
I recommend Hindu men consider converting to Islam when they need to find a wife. Anything short of that, go ahead and pretend to be a liberal simp.
There is no other way to deal with colonized women. You need to be harsh, it's the only language they speak.
Go ahead and ban me pussy.
-1
Every culture is unique and within those cultures there will be extreme elements. In Western cultures which tend to be more individualistic, families can be extremely disconnected to the point of not even making contact on a regular basis. There are serious issues with social isolation and loneliness.
In South Asia families can certainly be too involved.
But there are a lot of people from all cultures on the spectrum between those extremes.
Writing off an entire culture based on one or even a few experiences is usually not considered acceptable but was openly embraced here, interestingly.
10
They didn’t say they never wanted to deal with the girl’s family. They said that it can get to be a bit much.
And they’re right about the difficulty in setting boundaries. I have to remind my wife at least once a week that she’s allowed to have boundaries with her family. Not for my benefit, since I never had a problem with her family, but for her own mental health.
7
[removed]
1
[removed]
1
I’m Indian (Marathi) so I have white skin. But I still think brown girls are #1
-16
Indian woman here (29F). I think back in my early 20s, this comment would have bothered me. But now I feel like, who cares? It's one idiot's opinion. South Asians have a very family-oriented culture and there are a lot of positives that come with that that he clearly doesn't see. If he doesn't want to be around family and cultural obligations, that's his choice. I like my family and I like being around them, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't feel similarly. Indians also aren't the only ones with a family-oriented culture, and he'd probably run into the same "problem" if he dated a Jewish woman or Italian woman as well.
28
Someone else in those comments put it perfectly with regards to his claim that Indians are close to their families because of an inability to set boundaries:
Well of course, you are the arbiter of healthy boundaries, because other cultures don't reflexively hate their families.
6
Meanwhile in the UK, there's been a 17 fold increase in elderly being found dead and in a state of decay because they have no one checking in on them. Social isolation is a serious issue in the Western world that often gets swept under the rug.
As an rural physician it's heartbreaking how many elderly I've cared for that have been forgetten, abandoned and left to die by their children. The system often doesn't have the resources to provide them with dignified care.
5
Lol! Yeah definitely, I don't know why it's so hard to believe that some people grew up in a tight-knit family and actually like it
4
We’re lucky to love our families of origin. And 99% of the time, I don’t want my family to look anything like the people’s who call us enmeshed, so it’s probably best that we all go our separate ways.
2
Yeah, I consider myself to be very lucky to have a close family I love! I really don't want a relationship with my parents where I only speak to them on the phone once a month and only see my family at Thanksgiving. I like the way I was raised. That's just my preference and I don't think people who aren't close to their families are necessarily wrong, it's just different and not what I want lol. I think in my late teens or early 20s, I would've tried to convince a guy who felt differently from me of all the positive aspects of a close family, but at this point I'm past that. People like what they like and want what they want, and you're better off trying to find someone who shares your perspective (regardless of their ethnicity) than trying to change someone's perspective.
3
Not Indian but stumbled upon this thread.
I respect your family-oriented values however I don't think it makes him an "idiot". I think that's going too far. People who grew up in the west value individualism, sometimes we over-value it too much. It's extremely common that folks only talk to their parents once every 2 weeks or once a month and extended family? There's pretty much little contact except for major holidays. He's just saying he isn't accustomed to your values and have a very different way of looking at relationships - one that avoids too many inter-family interactions. Why is that idiotic?
-4
What is this conservative white man doing on our sub? Lol
6
brown women >>>>
19
I’m sorry but brown women are the absolute hottest out there. Also, brown men are the absolute best looking. Just keep yourself in shape. Also before someone comes at me with claims of fetishization, I’m also brown lol.
19
I gotta tread lightly with having a white wife here, but yeah, brown women are fine as hell. It’s those people’s losses.
8
There are attractive women in all races and skin colors lol.
-1†
Yes there are, your point?
3
You said they are the absolute hottest which is subjective
2
I don't like most white men anyway.
13
Right? Like what made them think we want to date them in the first place?
6
ig they really took to heart those reels on instagram and tiktok of indian girls swooning over white guys on those white guy- indian girl couple reels, saying shit like Indian men wont do THIS.
3
The thing they don't realize is those white guys are ATTRACTIVE and they're receptive to our customs and traditions.
The typical reddit white dude is ugly and is so insular and comfortable with their ways.
4
yep, if it was an attractive Indian guy too they would be still swooning over something else, attractiveness just makes everything you do BETTER, they just happen to be white and not racist/shitty/ugly.
Even the most liberal white people I have met in liberal us cities have all later exposed themselves as hidden racists by the way they talk about our culture, and how they expect me to shit talk india or my culture like most people do, a lot of them got this white saviour complex thinking they saved us, by virtue of us going there and living.
5
[removed]
1
most of them wanna date Indian women for the fetishishization they have for the skin colors anyway, same as what they do with other asian girls, or they wanna have their notch count up with all colors collected, as evident by another heavily upvoted comment swooning over east asian women, mostly have no intention of anything serious.
4
"I can confirm this. I wanted to date an Indian woman. However, despite having a job and living alone across the country, her parents still set a curfew for her - that she needs to be at home at a specific time."
lmao to be fair this is a little accurate! Indian parents are a different kind of strict. there's just something in the water idk. when me and my husband first started dating he wondered about stuff like this as well lol
9
I love all you girls (and your families)
6
The less non south asian men wanting to date brown women, the better for me
4
[removed]
1
[removed]
1
[removed]
1
Too much pandering in this thread
To counterbalance that, I just want to say, all of you are ugly, both men and women, and I wouldn’t date any of you
I am the only attractive person here
Facts don’t care about your feelings etc etc freedom isn’t free
-2
I can kind of get it tbh
I think we have a family oriented culture and that can cause a culture clash with those from individualistic cultures
I'm actually curious with interracial relationships and such, do Desi relationships with people from other family oriented cultures (Latinos, Eastern Europeans, etc.) work out better than with White Americans? Would be a interested to hear if anyone has experience with this topic
I think it really depends on the person. I dated a Latino guy once who had a similar mindset to this guy. I thought he'd be more understanding of how my family is (and they're not nearly as overbearing as other desi families I know) because he also came from a family-oriented culture and seemed to have a good relationship with his family. However, he had a lot of issues with my relationship with my family, including how often I talked to my parents.
On the flip side, I have some cousins who married white women, and they are far more understanding of how our family is. They wear Indian clothes to family weddings, learned how to cook a couple of Indian dishes, and one even traveled to a family wedding that her spouse (my second-cousin) couldn't attend because of his residency schedule, and she wore a saree and everything. I also wonder if gender expectations play a role (women being expected to conform to how their husbands do things).
A lot of asian american cultures are collectivist as well. Why is it just indians?
A lot of Asian Americans are several generations in, so a lot of them tend to be more assimilated. Meanwhile most Indian Americans are 1st or 2nd gen
It's also worth saying that I think Indians tend to be a lot more family oriented than even East Asians too. The East Asian collectivism you're referring to does encourage family values, but it also promotes ideals of social harmony, conformity and responsibility to "society" at large.
I think India on the other hand has always been much, much more focused on family ties and obligations. Like if we look at the caste system, a lot of Jatis (not Varna) end up just being endogamous family clans who share occupations
These are somewhat characterizations based on my own limited understanding, but to my understanding in Confucian philosophy you are expected to take care of your parents and listen to them because they are your superiors. They would ideally provide for you, but even if they don't, you still have a responsibility to ensure some sort of ideas
Meanwhile in India a lot more emphasis is placed on familial bonds and interreliance between extended family. Some of this comes up from Hindu philosophy I'm sure, but a lot more just has to do with culture and history
The shitty thing is that people stereotype us about this, and this is how we get perceived by many people, through a lens like this.
And it affects the way we get treated and it even shows up in dating app statistics.
I don't deny it happens that some indian parents can be toxic but when whole groups of people stereotype us in a way that's fucked up
I also thing this happens to many cultures outside of India imo
We are individuals first before a stereotype
The only real "lie" there in the original post was that as with all generalizations, there are always exceptions. But anyone who denies that this is a widespread and reliable pattern among indian and south asian communities is blind, deluded or disingenuous.
I’m married to a Filipino (south East Asian so not exactly East Asian). They are 20x more family oriented than Indians…
Fair enough lol
Yup pretty much. It's a LOT for some people to get thrown into, and they have to really like you for the relationship to survive that initial shock lol
There are some other family oriented cultures that can get pretty intense too though (thinking about some Italians that I know lol), but even then, it seems more family to family than a full cultural trend like it is with Indians in my experience.
Not saying it's a bad thing, but if you don't want to deal with familial "interference", you might not want to date an Indian person. At least not until they're older and more established in their life haha
I went out with a Eastern European woman long ago, it didn't work out because we were both moody 14 year olds in the bodies of two 21 year olds. But she was very understanding of the family dynamics I had and she had similar dynamics too - she was living in a multi-generational home herself and was still close to her grandparents, had to put up with crazy family drama and trauma herself coming from an Albanian/ Serbian background, had to kind of act like a protector for her parents and to make their sacrifices worth it. Because of that shared kind of background, I felt "seen" in a way and it made us feel like we went through this ordeal together even though we were dealing with it separately.
Tbh, is that a bad thing to have the family around?
No, but there's a line between having a close family and full on codependency. If you're 28 and have to call your mom every hour when you're 'outside', that's not normal.