Source
r/labrats•
testmonkey254

For the first time I genuinely hate my job. (RANT)

So I have been working in labs as soon as I graduated college. I did production and quality control in a start up centering around molecular biology before getting my masters and working in more academic labs since then.

I used to love my job and I have never woken up dreading it until now. I am in a medium sized lab with several projects going on at once. The project I am most involved with has been eroding my life since the summer. Long story short there used to be 2 scientists but one left for another job just leaving one scientist and me along with 2 other computational people.

The main issue is that I have more exposure to the techniques involved in this project. I do all the lab work and do all the lab maintenance and management of that one corner while helping out with the larger managerial duties of the whole lab. I am spread thin and I am also just getting used to this technique and a whole new body system. I think the scientist feels like he is losing control of the project because he has started nitpicking and scolding me like a child at every turn.

For example when we were making a plan for the next week I warned him that Monday mornings can be tough because we may not have dry ice. I didn’t say we shouldn’t try but it’s something to keep in mind. He proceeds to lecture me about having a defeatist attitude and how we can’t tell the PI that we didn’t get anything done for such a reason. Like I was trying to be proactive. It is constant lecturing and interrupting. Someone witnessed one of these and stated that he didn’t like the way the scientist talked to me. I felt so seen and relieved that I am not going crazy.

Communication has become a huge issue between me and him. I admit I can let my anxiety get the better of me but it’s not as bad with other members. The thing is I am terrified to tell him anything. But I can’t really say that I have tried and nothing was done. He gives me contradictory criticism between reports. I also have trouble telling him things verbally because my anxiety makes me stutter so he gets frustrated and interrupts me.

My superior is someone with almost no bench experience so I can’t go to him with questions. He gets mad when I don’t loop him in immediately even though he can’t help me.

Since I am the only bench person I feel an insane amount of pressure. Plus everyone else often stops me for questions or asking me for help. I cannot be full time for him if I am also helping other people. When ever I so much as mention managerial stuff he scolds me about my inability to prioritize. I have to send him plans, plan updates and tag him every time even though it’s the same document each week. I can’t take the condescension and being taken for granted.

Part of me is afraid that it’s just me, that I’m not cut out for this and that I am too sensitive. Maybe that’s part of it. I have had to start therapy and adjust my meds to be able to cope. I am trying so hard but nothing seems to work and I don’t know what to do.

I want out of this project but even if everything was going smoothly I don’t think I would be happy. I am running around constantly breaking my back to help everyone and it never feels like it’s enough. I doubt my performance review this year will be positive. I have had ADHD depression and anxiety my whole life and only got on meds a couple of years ago. I thrived in the lab without meds for years. It’s never been this bad. I am known as a hard worker, observant, detail oriented and bubbly. It’s like this environment has erased everything that made me a good technician. I am terrified of being fired every day or being humiliated by my boss. I know this is hard for him I know he is out of his depth, but none of that is my fault. I don’t want to rock the boat so I am starting to revamp my resume and am thinking of a total career change maybe in lab safety, on site training or any place where my applicable knowledge can help me net a decent wage. I want my life back.

Sorry about the rant I have been going through it. If anyone has advice or tough love I’d appreciate it.

Posted Nov 24, 2023, 3:19 PM UTC

9423
blindparasaurolophus•

I don't have any advice for you, but I do know how you feel. I didn't actually realize how much I dreaded going to my old lab job until I moved away and got a different job (for reasons unrelated to the lab job). My new job isn't even remotely related to what I had been doing or what I studied in school, but it's made a world of difference because of the general work environment. There's a tonne of structure, order, and clearly defined roles. You do what's best for you, good luck!

55
OR-Nate•

The way you are feeling about the situation doesn’t sound one bit like a problem with you or that you aren’t cut out for it. It sounds to me like you are amazing at your job, just ended up in a bad environment and reacting like anyone would.

I went through something similar and moved on to a better situation, went on for a PhD, and now tenured and running my own group as best as I can.

It’s tough to give concrete advice, but it sounds to me like you should trust yourself in deciding your next step. And don’t let this experience make you second guess or give up on the path that’s right for you.

42
DoctorMew13•

Lol, I'm actually meeting with hr got this exact reason. My pi literally tells me everything i do is wrong but when an older coworker mirrors my words he's exactly right.

Forget planning ahead or for contingencies, it's wrong.

24
helloitsme1011•

Wow wtf are you me? I always try to plan ahead and my PI basically just gets mad at me for doing so

6
DoctorMew13•

And then they get mad when you're behind on the project you couldn't prep for because of them! No, I'm not working ot to finish this. (Then they get SUPER mad when you draw boundaries).

Meanwhile, they stay in their office and take trips to conferences out of state to get their face out there (forget the actual subject of said conference). The public adores them but i will go so, so far out of my way to avoid them.

4
Monsdiver•

HR exists to protect the interests of the institution, the PI. You may as well tattoo “fire me” on your forehead.

3
DoctorMew13•

I've gone to hr about her before and come out the other side. I've got insane job security due to an odd position I'm in, the worse they could really do is transfer me somewhere else (yay for academia bureaucracy)

1
Murdock07•

Honestly, I think academia needs a hard reset. The abuse and low pay is not worth it in the long run. We make millions for institutions and get poverty wages in return. Stop working for these labs, demand higher wages and better working conditions. Their entire business model revolves around our willingness to be abused and taken advantage of.

14
LostSadConfused11•

Unfortunately, this will lead to them exclusively hiring foreign visa holders for their labs, which is already happening now. People will continue to work there because it’s their chance to come to the US and PIs will abuse them because… they can. The power imbalance is even worse when your ability to stay in the country depends on the whims of your crazy PI. I think the answer is not to quit, but to unionize and make use of collective bargaining power to improve the work environment of academia institution by institution.

2
ZipCity262•

I’m sorry that’s happening to you. The right response to the dry ice issue is “oh good point, thanks for bringing that up, how can we work around that?” It doesn’t sound like you are the problem here.

12
IgarashiDai•

You can’t be blamed for any of this. It sounds to me like you’d absolutely thrive in an environment where you’re appreciated and listened to, and this workplace is not one of those; even your stutter is likely a result of anxiety caused by no one taking you seriously.

7
danielsaid•

Part of me is afraid that it’s just me, that I’m not cut out for this and that I am too sensitive.

That's your anxiety talking, you're obviously a great worker being slowly destroyed by terrible management.

It wouldn't hurt to look for other work, have a good exit plan, or know where to run, and then find a professional way to have an un-ignorable and serious discussion with the relevant parties. I'm not gonna lie, they might try to blame or gaslight you, but you can't keep working like this. No one could.

My negative prediction is you try to talk to them about it, they brush it off, six months from now you totally burnout and have to quit and spend years recovering, and they go through replacements like crazy trying to find someone to do what you were doing. Eventually, the lab will close or end up with 2-3 people doing what you used to do solo.

Obviously, this doesn't work for anyone, so please stand up for yourself and try to make them (the lab) realize this is what will happen if they don't help you out. Be prepared for them to remain stubbornly destructive and then GTFO out of there.

You didn't mention but I wonder why that other scientist left, and if you're a woman being ignored by a man in a position above you. It's too common for all scientists to have poor social skills so it's not ALWAYS misogyny, but it feels like a pretty safe bet in this case with how immature this guy is. Maybe he's just a shithead in general and feels like you're an easy target for his abuse and it doesn't have anything to do with gender. And I'm just guessing that you're not a man so sorry in advance.

6
testmonkey254OP•

Why yes I am a woman and that’s something I have thought about. The only other person who has had an issue with him is a woman. It may not be malicious but everyone has biases even if they are unaware of them. I didn’t think I would get the “run away” talk but you all might be right. I’m putting out feelers and revamped my resume today.

3
NotThatKindOfDr21•

If you actually want to stay, I would ask the PI for an update on the replacement person. You did not speak much about the temperament of the PI but if they are more reasonable than this scientist, then I would also mention needing more help and the issues you’re having with communicating with this person. I would also start looking for other options since this scientist seems to have an issue with you (and maybe women) and that’s not going to change. I’m sorry you’re going through this. And I hope it gets better. Also boundaries with other people as well - if they don’t like it then they can pressure the PI to hire more wet bench people. It’s funny how us wet bench people get treated but we are essential to the job.

1
GeneRizotto•

I second this. OP, run if you can. If you can’t, also run. It’s never worth it. Good luck!

2
testmonkey254OP•

If I wasn’t chained to health insurance due to my medication I think I would have walked away. I can use the vacation I haven’t had one since last year.

3
GeneRizotto•

Oh gods. That’s a tough one(( I was stuck with a toxic PI because of my visa up until recently and here’s some tips that helped me not to lose my mind: 1) quiet quitting - do the barest minimum, better yet only what’s explicitly asked/decided on a planning meeting. No overtime, relax deadlines if possible, no good advicing for how to improve the work etc. No use in building your career right now, it’s time for a good old self-preservation mode. 2) reduce oral communication as much as possible, never initiate, preferably everything in writing, reports/questions/requests as emails, after in-person meeting send summaries as “here’s what we’ve discussed” emails, prepare slides (just one with some text is ok) for in-person reports to reduce off-script interactions. 3) Take as many vacations as one possibly can for your mental health and to be able to find a new job. Eat well, do sports (no kidding here, really important) and therapy if you can afford, hang out with friends and family. 4) Highly recommend “The no-asshole rule” book.

1
testmonkey254OP•

I was gonna let my PTO roll over till next year but I think I’m gonna take several days off this month. I’m gonna try and hit the gym again as well. I have lost a ton of muscle mass due to stress and a loss of appetite. I not only feel mentally weak but physically as well. I friend also advised me to do something for a half hour every night after work. I have been dabbling in fiction writing so I think I will put more energy into that. I wish I could go full text only convos but he is insisting on meetings and it’s weird they are always one on one even though there is another person besides us (computational) I feel weirdly siloed. I’m gonna tough it out until I find something new. I can’t take this any more.

2
Monsdiver•

I’ve been there, even went to HR about it only to find out the hard way why the saying goes “HR is not your friend”

Speaking from experience: update your CV, keep your head high and smile, don’t tell a god damned single fucking person you work with that you’re looking to move on, apply for jobs elsewhere, and move on.

It’s 10X harder to find a job when you don’t have one. You’ve got to put yourself first.

3
internet_friends•

Just want to say that it is absolutely the shitty person you work with and not you or the work environment. Been there, felt that, moved on, and wish I did sooner because it really started to affect how I felt about myself beyond work. The other person is jealous of you and is going about it in a very critical way. Do yourself a favor and get out of there as soon as possible. But please don't lose hope - you sound like a wonderful scientist from everything you've written here and it seems like everyone in your lab can see that except for one person.

3
testmonkey254OP•

You guys are gonna make me cry 🥺

1
gza_liquidswords•

On Monday start looking for a new job. There is a high demand for dedicated lab technicians, and it sounds like the environment is a problem. It is not too much to ask to work with people that treat you respectfully.

3
TracingFireflies•

quit. life is too short

2