Source
r/Eatingdisordersover30•
drknowdr

The fog of restriction and never knowing what to eat

I’m always thinking about food and eating in a global sense, but nothing specific sounds appealing anymore (that’s not to say I’m not taking in calories or eating, but my appetite is truly zilch these days).

I spend hours thinking about what to eat and come up blank; delaying the decision on a real meal for another day. I’ve lost my appetite for safe foods but eat them only out of indecision . I’m food obsessed but not actually craving anything. I’ve thrown out or given away so many failed ideas at what I might make myself. Nothing feels desired yet I know that’s part of the fog. The more I wait out a real appetite or desire, the more I restrict….making it harder to act and the cycle repeats.

On some level, I know I just need to eat more and waiting for a real appetite might be a delay tactic. It’s exhausting and exasperating. One one hand its like, “eat or don’t but quit thinking about it”. Either way I’m left restless and paralyzed with indecision.

Posted Nov 30, 2023, 10:11 PM UTC

112
Successful-Ad-5279•

could have written this myself. word for word.

7
rileyyj001•

I find that when I actually do decide on something it’s either:

A.) Okay, this isn’t even that good

Or

B.) This isn’t what I even really want

6
drknowdrOP•

Every. Single. Time.

2
rileyyj001•

😭💀

5
southbeachboy•

When I truly lose my appetite it scares the shit out of me. My dad has stage 4 cancer and they told him he wouldn’t want to eat but he had to. They said the last stages of starvation you lose appetite and then you just die. It frightens me when I lose all appetite because it makes me feel close to death so I force myself to eat. It is soooooooo hard not to be happy I have no appetite. It feels like a big win. But I always think about that conversation and it scares me. Try to eat more. Eventually you will get your appetite back. Truly losing it all together I think is a sign things are pretty bad. I’m with you though. I currently am sick and I have lost my appetite and lost some weight. Hard not to be happy about that. Makes me want to just continue this way.

4
drknowdrOP•

I’m sorry about your father and sorry you’ve been sick yourself.

Your comment certainly makes me think about where I’m at with the ED. I had lost some weight in the fall from illness/ED and relate to the fear of gaining it back (not even a significant amount, but enough to make me feel locked in to the change). That’s when I stopped genuinely wanting the safe foods or feeling any pleasure from them. But I know you’re right: not eating or vastly undereating becomes a black hole.

2
thisismetrying0502•

I feel that way a lot lately. But usually I enjoy food too much. I've been having a low mood lately so attributed to that or getting over being sick. Do you think any of that is true for you Tonight was the first night I actually thought wow this is good and pretty sure it was due to the nibble of an edible I had. 😆

3
drknowdrOP•

Glad you found something that works. It’s weird because even edibles aren’t doing it for me (in terms of appetite). I think depression and ongoing GI issues are for sure extra hurdles.

1
existentialdread0•

You basically just described the effects of starvation on the brain. The cycle will drive you insane until you commit to recovery and consistently feed yourself.

3
Nearby-Ad5666•

I relate

2
already-uncool•

In the exact same boat.

2
BedroomImpossible124•

Same. Very well put. Be well

2
pinkienewbie•

If I’m alone I never know what to eat, just looking in the cupboard/fridge fills me with too much anxiety and confusion. If my husband asks what I want for dinner, I again can’t make a decision. Same as if we’re in a shop. I just don’t fancy anything. It works better for me if someone just makes me food and I’ll just eat it. But I think about my hunger and food all day until the meal I allow myself in the evening, and then can’t even decide what I want 🤦‍♀️

2
drknowdrOP•

I agree there’s something easier about being served food to take the pressure off. I don’t have a partner so it’s always on me to choose (or not choose). It’s been ages since anyone has cooked for me and I miss it. My mind is always blank when it comes down to it.

1