Can't ever get close to my family
I feel mentally unable to open myself about how I feel and how things are different for me and just casually speaking with in general. Whenever I look at them there's this very little sensation that brings up the bad things they've done to me in the past, even years after. To The point where I feel like it's irreversible. When I said very briefly that i was ND they wanted to get to know me better but I know that they won't actually understand how things are for me, kind of like "I accept that you're autistic unless it becomes too inconvenient for me" sort of thing. I don't feel like I'll ever get truly close to my family in general because they treat me with respect until it bothers them. Even if they tried to change for the better their image feels to scarred for me so that they'll never become someone close to me.
Will this feeling ever pass? I hate this feeling that no matter how hard they try they will never undo the things they've done because i wish to forgive them, I just can't.
Posted Dec 24, 2023, 3:39 AM UTC
My family was very supportive and loving, yet I found it awkward mentioning my diagnosis to them. My father is gone, but my mother was a Registered Nurse for a lot of years, and it seemed to me that she would feel bad for not having realized I was autistic all along. But I knew that Asperger's Syndrome was unknown in the US until I was in my 20s and living on my own. My family pretty much considered me their absent-minded professor.
Most reasonable people regret past mistakes and are willing to make things right going forward. Part of being an adult is while acknowledging feelings, not being controlled by them. Don't rush it, but let yourself consider approaching them. It may not go well, but if you do nothing things aren't likely to improve,
Thank you. I'm not giving up on them. It's just that crushing feeling when something that I feel gets too far on the "acceptable" scale. I want to forgive them and think of them positively but when something like that happens i feel like all the progress was made for what reason?
I'm patient and I try to educate them whenever i can so that they can get to know me better and to know what causes me harm, but sometimes they just think that being too whiney and childish. It really is hard to make them understand