[2169] Untitled Fantasy

Hi everyone.

This is chapter one of my fantasy western novel, which I have written 20,000 words of so far. It began from a short story and has been expanded outwards.

Link:

[2169] Chapter One

I'm looking for overall feedback about the piece and whether you'd be interested to keep reading. Some specific questions:

• Is there enough world building for you to get a picture of what the environment is like?
• Does the protagonist have a strong voice and are you developing a sense for her personality?
• What aspects let down the story for you?
• Was there anything that stood out as a strength to build upon?
• Any notes on structure/flow?

Any other feedback is welcome too, just trying to get a sense for how it reads to someone who hasn't read it a million times already lol.

My Crits:

[2150] Title TBD Fantasy Web-Novel

[2486] With Edge Dulled

​