The relapse begins

For gods sake. I can’t even be bothered to cry or be angry. I just feel so defeated. Resigning myself to anorexia being a shitty friend who will hang around me for the rest of my life. Lying here with hunger pains unable to sleep thinking yesss that’s it, hurts so good. It’s like spending months climbing out of a muddy pit and then just going oh fuck it, wheeeeeeee🙃