The Planet and the Potheads Part II: The Barbeque

So most everyone has dispersed now and the neighborhood kids are playing basketball, me and my neighbor/BFF took a plant to the new neighbors this morning and re-invited them to the cookout. I held out hope that the day would just be fun and uneventful, and it was, until about an hour and a half in when "Oversized Kirby" (thanks for the name, u/Over-Analyzed) and her parents arrived. Here's the events from me and my BFF, who is again with me to fill in stuff I missed. Original story [here] (http://www.reddit.com/r/fatpeoplestories/comments/1c8qia/the_planet_and_the_potheads/)

I know it's long, but there's 2 of us sitting here filling in what we saw all day between us, so TL;DR at end

be me

helping the husband BBQ the last of the meat, and getting the ribs out of the slow-cooker

datsmell.itsmellsgood

most of neighborhood and close family has arrived

everyone lounging around the pool, kids playing, birds chirping, neighbors laughing

freakingorgeousday.mpeg

everyone getting ready to eat, getting dried off

start setting everything that has been brought out, and getting the meat on platters

been a relaxing hour and a half, wondering if OK's parents are going to come, feel bad for em'

get everyone in line, look at drink table and see ripples start to go through all the bottles

start feeling gravitational pull

look behind me off the deck and OK and her parents have arrived

OK is in the shower curtain material bathing suit and shirt from last night

notice it's men's swimming trunks, just never seen them that big

"HAAAAY LeadFootSpiderMonkey! The party has arrived! TEEHEE..UEUEUEUEUE"

greet OK and parents

they all look high and smell like patchouli

whydopotheadsalwayssmellikepatchouli.png

come up with new names for parents, PM For "pothead mom" and PD for "pothead dad"

don't think anything of it, not against pot

everyone in line, everything going good so far

OK waddles over to the food

[mfw] (http://i.imgur.com/wxQtL.gif) she laughs and wobbles her way in between my mom and nephew to get a plate and cut line

PM and PD look like they don't give a fuck, cause they are high as fuck

then i realize PM hasn't seen her cutting line yet (we have a big family and a full neighborhood, so there's about 17-18 people in line)

PM see's her and puts her head down and averts her eyes

i offer her a fishbowl margarita so this woman can relax even more

she and PD both accept

imakedatmargaritagood.avi

I walk out with one of the margaritas and nearly drop it when i see the reaction my nephew has when he finally turns around and sees Kirby in human form in front of him

[hfw] (http://imgur.com/BcEvR)

I sit the margarita down on the picnic table just off the side of the deck and throw 2 straws in so they can begin drinking

BFF tells me to look at OK's plate

she took a rack of ribs and half the potato salad already

she fumbles around and pulls a 2nd plate out from under what I thought was one

fills it with one of everything from desert table

notice that she brought her own Bubba Mug (big mug with a spout on it used for small contrustion jobs)

she wobbles over to the picnic table and plops her food down

oh damn, byebyepicnictable.mp4

she tries to put her legs in, but they're too short, and her belly is too fat for her to fit properly

offer her biggest, most sturdy yard chair we have

[mfw] (http://i.imgur.com/u6Hnv.gif) she misses the chair because she can't see behind her

KIRBY USES ROLL

it is effective

she is rolling like a ball on her sides, she makes at least 3 full turns before she stops

then a hole is ripped in time and space

Kirby lets out a huge ripping, sputtering, earth shattering fart

sounds like a duck caught in an industrial fan

think the suction caused a major wedgie, cause she now has something I can only describe as "fart knuckle"

Kirby surprisingly laughs it off, gets help from 3 guys and gets in her chair

proceeds to eat everything on both plates while chattering to the neighbors around us with her mouth full of food

she is high as a muthafucka.pdf

This is where BFF and I start feeling AWFUL for PM and PD

Everyone has eaten and is now surrounding my neighbor's pool, tables set up between our yard and theirs

got that slip n slide out for the kiddos in our yard

OK has polished off 3rd plate of food, but we somehow have made enough

OK brings chair over to where everyone is sitting between both yards

plops chair down and announces that she is going to use the slip n' slide so she can talk to the cute army guy helping the kids out

that's my brother who is dating one of my sisters friends, but she cant make it until later

she proceeds to grab her shirt and starts to take it off

NOOOOOOOOOOOO.imoutofideasforfilenamessofuckit.gif

I thought she was wearing a tank top under her shirt

it is one of those half tank bikini tops that ties in the back and around your neck

where is the acid, our poor eyes

she has like 5 rolls on each arm

about a fuck million on her body

bitch is trying to seductively walk over to the slip n slide

looks about how you would think Kirby in real life would look trying to be seductive

she rolls over to my brother and loudly exclaims "WOW! look at those muscles!! do you work out??"

reaches over as my brother looks in horror at her trying to ...pet??..... his arms

he is ahead of the game and says "yeah, me and my GIRLFRIEND work out all the time...."

"girlfriend" term is ineffective, Kirby still trying to flirt

PM in her high and tipsy stupor says "18 years old and never had a boyfriend"

[mfw] (http://i.imgur.com/gQFN3.gif) she's only 18?!?!

she looks like she's 25-30

PM continues, "tried getting her help, it costs almost her whole disability income to feed her"

everyone is silent

says OK doesn't see the problem and is proud of her

wait for it....

her "curves"

bitch you don't have curves, youareacurve.mpegII

says Kirby is starting college in August and has been home schooled the past 2 years for getting in fights that OK would start

tells us OK almost got expelled for almost hitting a cafeteria lady because she wouldn't give her extra food

everyone is looking at PM in horror

I get up to go get that woman another drink

hear brother say "WATCH OUT!!!" really loudly to my niece

Kirby has engaged speed waddle

puts her arms out and FLOPS onto the slip n slide

Kirby goes about 3 feet and stops, starts shrieking, laughing...........?

her top has folded under her behemo-boobs

she is giggling and asks army brother for help

"army broooooo, teehee, can you help me up, teehee"

she winks and wiggles her top up just in time for super fit brother to pull her up to sitting position

has to call over same 2 guys to help her up like they all did before

go in to make the margarita, come back out to see her waddling towards the pool with grass stuck to her back, following army bro

look over and slip n slide has 1 foot rip in it

shamu is about to return to the water y'all

Kirby wants to do a cannon ball

helpusall.treefort

she is still doing that "seductive" walk, starts flailing her arms around to the music we have going at the neighbors house

starts singing at the top of her lungs

giggles and cannon balls into the pool, literally knocking water over some of the kids' heads

good thing this pool has stairs that are built into cement, she is able to waddle out

army brothers girlfriend shows up after work shift

he runs to her and kisses her

Kirby snarls, waddles over to bro girlfriend, introduces herself loudly

"I'm Oversized Kirby! And who are YOU?"

PD starts to get up and say that they are heading home

PM tells him to sit down and drink, they aren't going because Kirby is being embarrassing

GO PM! Don't let her ruin your good time

bro girlfriend introduces herself

At this point I witnessed fat logic 101 and never thought I'd her this come out of a fat persons mouth, ever, I though it was merely the stuff of FPS folklore.

"You gonna eat??" Kirby says in a sassy tone

bro girlfriend is fit and takes care of herself

"No, ate a big lunch today at work"

Then Kirby says it....

"Guess you're too scared to have curves like me, then, huh? Army Bro needs something to hold on to!"

Bro Girlfriend just looks around kinda stunned as Kirby does a little "seductive twist" and walks away

everyone is silent

PM and PD get up and say goodbye politely

me and BFF immediately invite PM to our movie tomorrow night

feelsorryforherman.jpg

she says she will call and let me know

tells OK they are leaving

OK turns and grabs Army Bro in a hug and "teeehee's" a few times

i think he's gonna suffocate in her fat

She grabs her Bubba Jug and follows PM and PD down the road talking loudly about how Army Bro was totally into her

[mfw] (http://i.imgur.com/HWiWs.gif) I still don't know why they have a snow cone truck and forgot to ask

TL;DR- New neighbor who looks like Kirby in human form, comes to first BBQ of the season, falls and rolls, lets out duck sounding fart, eats a ton of food, flirts with bro, breaks the slip n slide, thin shames Army Brothers girlfriend, tries to be seductive, fails, parents say they have tried helping but "muhcurves"

Me and BFF have to finish cleaning up now. Will post more as they happen, which I hope isn't SOON AT ALL because DANG IT, I feel so bad for her parents.

Edit: because of formatting