About 2 weeks after my husband and I really started dating, my sister was killed and my family just shattered.  It was sudden and shocking and even beyond the pain of loss, we had to spend more than another year dealing with court dates and autopsies and plea deals, it felt absolutely relentless for awhile.  But time keeps moving and so does life, and by the time we got engaged I felt ready to embrace planning something good and happy.  I immediately texted my aunt to see if I could use our family property, my dad’s childhood home, for Memorial Day weekend to get married.  I spent the next 3 weeks booking several major vendors, and ordered my dress.  I felt excited and energized. Then I got the call that my niece had committed suicide and the world just stopped.  

For the next 6 months or so I felt paralyzed, and weirdly terrified to plan anything for the wedding because I couldn’t shake the feeling that something awful would immediately happen.  I’m a crafty girl and I had planned to do lots of diy and personal touches, but very quickly I was 6 weeks out from my wedding with nothing but vendors.(To be fair, that’s a big deal, I just wanted a more personal wedding.)  I went out to the property to take some measurements and get some inspiration because I knew I needed to get my butt in gear.  Luckily my wedding venue is about the most calming place on the planet, and it’s also where our family cemetery is.  It’s where we gather for our best days and our worst days.  Then it clicked for me, we ALL needed a good day out there, a reason to come together that wasn’t tragedy and trauma.

That shift got me energized and moving, but it also informed a lot of my decisions.  I leaned harder into mixing bright colors and fun textures, I focused on making the day fun and cheerful, and I think it came together really beautifully. I spent the last few weeks before my wedding shopping for glassware, painting placemats, dip-dyeing name cards, and making all the fun details, and it was so rewarding to see my family come together and have such a great day with me!  

If you put off any part of your planning for whatever reason, I hope this helps you take heart and know you can still have a really beautiful day!

We pulled it off! My experience wedding planning through grief