THANK YOU to all who offered invaluable advice about my rhyming-prose novel last week. I've taken all of your insight/positive criticism onboard. The main problem/s people faced with the approach are as follows:

1). The prose and rhyme clashed, with people who like poetry being put off by the non-scanning sentence structure, and those who like prose being distracted by the rhyme.

2). The rhyme being at the end of each sentence repeatedly meant some readers were focusing on the rhyme alone and unable to remember or follow the story (certainly not ideal, haha).

3).  Sentences that are fragments are a general no, no. People puke at this. Remove them.

4). Anything that restricts itself to the same size sentences (i.e 17 syllables) and is long, will suffer from the feeling of monotony, as the repetition pummels the reader into a literary coma. This is...also bad. lol.

In the new edit I've extended the 17 syllable rule to allow for 34, so I have 2 types of sentence and the longer sentence moves the rhyme from the end every time, to the middle. I hope this helps with the rhythm/breaks up the monotony. 

I've shared page 1 of the book.

So, Reddit, if anyone is still reading, would you please critique the new edit - does this flow better?

To anyone who responds, thank you so much, you are helping me a lot :D

And to anyone who responded to my post last week, thank you for your time and insight (I'm unable to to edit the original post, or respond to it, so THANK YOU :D

[Link to Chapter 1 (full chapter)](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1y8EufGUYZnIG4KlN3bnZNngJd5-PiAin7G-yhJb24iQ/edit?usp=sharing)

After 4 years and 1 week, does my rhyming novel now flow better?