[1277] In Search of an Empty Sky (draft 3)

I'm trying again on the opening pages to this novel (near-future war setting). Some things I especially tried to improve and would like feedback on are:

• Depth of character--this is only an excerpt of the first chapter and we get into more dialogue with the MC later, but is the character interesting / compelling enough in the opening to want you to keep reading, or does it feel flat?

• Hook / opening -- similarly, is the start engaging to you?

• Clarity in small details -- is there anything that pulled you out of the story because something seemed inconsistent or unclear?

Any other feedback would be appreciated as well. Thanks!

Link to story (w/ commenting)

Crit: [1544]