I'm disappointed with myself

I just self harmed and I've never been more disappointed in myself with anything. I was dissociating and full of sadness so I hurt myself to get me out of it. It didn't and all I ended up with was a cut and even more feelings. At least the guilt got me to take a vistaril instead of cutting more, but I've never felt this bad before and I've attempted suicide 3 times. I hate myself so much.