I'm so done

My body is shutting down, my mouth clenched eyes dried open teeth in pain. My sinus cavities dried and itchy with blood. Back aches and my head full of pressure. I'm on a binge, day 4 now 5. I feel so disassociated and emotionally dry. I'm so dun with this. Peace is when I'm weird ol me and I can rest and be present for my boys. I love them so much. I'm so angry at myself